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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25012096">A House Turned Inside Out</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/VR_Trakowski/pseuds/VR_Trakowski'>VR_Trakowski</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Fluff, ben solo is a good son, but still fluffy, epidemic fic, happy ending I promise, it's just there, masks everywhere, nobody in this fic gets coronavirus, now anyway, okay a little more angst than I expected, paper faces on parade, there's an epidemic on, warning: COVID-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:48:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,065</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25012096</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/VR_Trakowski/pseuds/VR_Trakowski</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>	She was wiping down the card reader with alcohol, Ben could smell it even through his mask, but as he entered the narrow little space next to the conveyor belt she lifted her head and - well, he assumed she was smiling.  Her eyes were crinkling, anyway, just like they had the first time, and he couldn’t help smiling back, even though there was no way she could tell.  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“Hey, it’s my favourite customer.”  Her voice was so warm.  Ben wanted to believe it was more, somehow, than she gave anyone else, even though he knew that was nonsense. She was just nice.  She probably said that to half the people who came through her line.</i>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>Ben Solo hates grocery shopping - until one cashier turns his attitude around.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>206</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Everybody's doing quarantine fics, seems like; who am I to resist the trend?  A couple of notes: </p>
<p>1. Ben's a bit of a snob.  There's nothing wrong with trailer parks.  :D  </p>
<p>2. Yes, the trailer park manager is a hat-tip to lachesisgrimm's <span class="u">amazing</span> <i>a shell (a home)</i>, which everybody should read.  Seriously, it's <i>so</i> good, and I really need to go leave a review.  </p>
<p>3. Ben really shouldn't be going out every week, but speaking from my own experience, when you're shopping for three people there's always <i>something</i> someone needs.  Stay home as much as you can, cousins.  It's dangerous out there.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If there was one thing Ben really hated, it was grocery shopping.</p>
<p>Well, to be fair, he hated almost anything that had to do with people, but Ben used delivery services for <em>reasons</em>, and not just because he didn’t have the spare time to go hunting for supplies.</p>
<p>But there was a fucking epidemic on, and Ben had heard that those who really needed delivery, like disabled and immunocompromised people, were having trouble getting slots. So he acted like a reasonable human being and went out himself. Even if he loathed every moment.</p>
<p>“Find everything you need?” the cashier asked him automatically as she swiped the first items through the scanner, and Ben grunted back, turning up the volume a bit to force the sound through his mask. The cashier was wearing one too, plus one of those big plastic face shields, <em>plus</em> there was a Plexiglas barrier between them, with a little cutout for the card scanner.</p>
<p>Ben still didn’t envy her, not one little bit. And <em>no</em>, he <em>hadn’t </em>found everything on the list, but there were weird gaps on the shelves and he didn’t think hassling a cashier about organic pancake mix was going to help anything.</p>
<p>So he ran his card and gathered his bags and gave her a nod as he left, though the cashier’s gaze was already moving to the next customer. She probably thought he was a surly jerk, but Ben wasn’t a talker at the best of times and it was just <em>harder</em>, trying to get words past a cloth barrier that insisted on pressing down on the bridge of his nose no matter how he adjusted it.</p>
<p><em>Could be worse.</em> Ben trudged out of the store, squinting a little in the summer sun, and headed for his car. <em>You haven’t caught the damn thing yet.</em></p>
<p>As far as he knew, anyway.</p>
<p>It was routine, now. He kicked the tailgate open, dumped the bags inside, and took a hit of hand sanitizer from the pump he kept in the back of the SUV, before closing the tailgate and climbing inside. Peeling off the mask was a blessing; fresh air rushing into his lungs and across his sweaty skin.</p>
<p><em>Why are you doing this again?</em> part of him asked querulously, the part he was still trying to leave behind. Ben ignored it and put the SUV into gear.</p>
<p>Ten minutes later he was setting the bags on the white-painted front porch of a pretty little house in a pretty little yard. The door opened as he put the last one down, and Ben took a couple of long steps backwards even though he’d put the mask back on.</p>
<p>“Are you sure you don’t want to come in?” Leia asked quietly, leaning on the door frame. “I promise I’ll stay six feet away.”</p>
<p>Ben carefully refrained from rolling his eyes. “You know better than that, Mom.”</p>
<p>She looked better, he had to admit - social isolation had been good for her, forcing her to stay home and rest rather than being out and about at all hours on her many projects. A small smile curved her lips, though Ben couldn’t make out her eyes behind her shaded glasses. “Can’t blame a mother for trying.”</p>
<p>It was odd, this truncated interaction they’d formed. Ben had hardly spoken to his parents in years, but when the coronavirus had come on like a slow-moving storm, he’d just...stepped up. Because he might be a terrible son, but he wasn’t going to let his elderly parents put themselves at unnecessary risk.</p>
<p>“Can’t blame me for saying <em>no</em>,” he countered lightly, and her smile widened. “No pancake mix, no hazelnut creamer so I got you regular, and they were fresh out of that weird toothpaste.”</p>
<p>Leia laughed. “That’s okay, I still have some left. Just trying to get ahead where I can.”</p>
<p>Ben nodded; it made sense. Things appeared and disappeared in stores at what seemed like random. Getting the next carton of milk before the first was finished was smart. “You doing okay?”</p>
<p>She snorted. “I’m fine. I’ve got neighbors offering help out the wazoo, you know; you don’t have to come out all this way just to get me a few groceries.”</p>
<p>Ben shrugged. Saying that he didn’t know those people and couldn’t trust them to maintain safe quarantine practices would be rude, even if it was true, and while he usually had no problem being rude, it would just get him a reprimand from Leia. And maybe make her rethink their arrangement, which wasn’t acceptable. “I don’t mind.”</p>
<p>There was that smile again. “Since it gets me a look at you, I won’t argue. You look good, Ben.”</p>
<p>By which she meant, not driven to exhaustion by his job, maybe, but that was one of the many, many things they didn’t talk about. “I guess.”</p>
<p>He smoothed his palms down the legs of his jeans. “Well. I should go.”</p>
<p>“Oh! Wait.” Leia reached back behind herself to grab something - another plastic grocery bag - and swung it like a pendulum, tossing it to him at the top of the arc. Ben caught it against his chest. “Lemon poppyseed. Don’t get pulled over after eating one.”</p>
<p>It was Pavlovian, how the scent of the muffins made his stomach growl. “Thanks.”</p>
<p>Leia nodded, and fished a pair of disposable gloves out of her pocket, holding them up so Ben could see them. “Get out of here so I can get the cheese into the fridge.”</p>
<p>Ben tossed her a salute, which made her snicker, and loped back to his SUV. When he glanced back Leia blew him a kiss and bent for the bags, gloves on.</p>
<p>He drove away, trying to feel relieved.</p><hr/>
<p>Ben had to visit two stores before his next stop, which was a double-wide in what he had to admit was a pretty decent trailer park, as trailer parks went; having met the manager, though, he wasn’t surprised that it was well maintained. Maz hardly came up higher than his belt, and she was a terror.</p>
<p>Han didn’t have a porch, as such, but he did have an awning and a deck chair, and he was under one and in the other when Ben pulled up, bottle in hand. Ben sighed as he pulled on his mask and swung out of his SUV.</p>
<p>“Dad. You know you’re not supposed to be drinking with your meds.”</p>
<p>“It’s soda, you punk.” Han gave him a smirk and deliberately tipped back a swallow, then reached into the cooler next to his chair and flipped another bottle at Ben. “Here. It’s not that leaf juice you drink but it’s better than nothing.”</p>
<p>Ben caught it as it arced upward. “What is it with people throwing food at me today?”</p>
<p>“You make a good target.” Han shoved to his feet. “Whatcha bring me?”</p>
<p>The ritual was different, here; Ben opened the tailgate and then stepped back, allowing Han to pull on the work gloves Ben insisted on and poke through the various bags. Shopping for Han was easier, since he was nowhere near as picky about brands or sizes, but -</p>
<p>“More green crap. You know I hate broccoli.” Han held up the vegetable like he was thinking of tossing it back into the SUV.</p>
<p>“I got you Velveeta. Drown it in that and give your colon a break.”</p>
<p>Han shot him a grin. “My colon is just fine, kid. Tell me you found salsa; a man can’t live on chips alone.”</p>
<p>Ben didn’t bother holding back the eyeroll this time. “As ordered. Nobody has rubbing alcohol, though.”</p>
<p>“Next time maybe. How’s your mother?”</p>
<p>That too was part of the ritual, as was the fact that Han would never meet Ben’s gaze when he asked.</p>
<p>“She’s fine. Says the neighbors are looking after her.”</p>
<p>“Good.” Han gathered up several bags in one hand. “That’s good.”</p>
<p>“You staying away from everybody?” Ben asked pointedly, sighing when Han didn’t answer. “Dad. Come on. You don’t want to end up on a ventilator.”</p>
<p><em>Or dead </em>was the unspoken corollary. Han’s health wasn’t the best, and Ben had the unpleasant suspicion that COVID-19 would be far too much for someone who had lived as hard as Han had.</p>
<p>“It’s just Chewie,” Han grumbled. “And we give Maz a hand with stuff sometimes. But she won’t let us within fifty yards without a mask, so don’t get het up.”</p>
<p>“And Chewie sees his granddaughter every week. Don’t be stupid about this, Dad. Please.”</p>
<p>Han made a scoffing sound and grabbed the rest of the bags, toting them into his trailer. Ben sighed and resisted the urge to bang his head against the SUV.</p>
<p>Han reappeared a moment later. “Sure you don’t want to stay for lunch?”</p>
<p>It was half a joke. Ben huffed in lieu of a smile. “Then I’d just have to buy you more salsa.”</p>
<p>“Like I’d share. Go on, kid, go home. Stay safe.”</p>
<p>In other days, better days, the gruff command would have been accompanied by a hug and a thump on the shoulder. As it was, Ben simply nodded. “You too, Dad.”</p>
<p>This time, as he left, Ben only felt tired.</p><hr/>
<p>He had one more stop to make. As usual, he thought about skipping it and just going home, withdrawing to his dim, cool, <em>silent</em> apartment, but he still had a few things he needed for himself.</p>
<p>That was the excuse, anyway.</p>
<p>Ben checked the dash clock, more reflex than anything else; it was only mid-afternoon. He wasn’t sure what left him more drained, shopping or dealing with his parents, but there was one bright spot to the whole expedition, independent of making absolutely sure Leia and Han were doing all right.</p>
<p><em>This is ridiculous,</em> he reminded himself. <em>You don’t even know what she looks like.</em></p>
<p>Not that Ben was that shallow. But it was weird, to feel such a connection with someone he couldn’t pick out of a lineup.</p>
<p>And yet.</p>
<p>He parked and climbed out, yanking his mask up with a grimace. Never before had he been so grateful to prefer shaving, because he could just imagine what it would be like to wear a mask with a mustache. <em>Hair in your mouth all day long,</em> he thought with a shudder.</p>
<p>Ben grabbed one of the carts at the grocery store’s entrance - he wasn’t getting that much but hand baskets were filthy even when there <em>wasn’t</em> an epidemic on - and wandered his way through the store, choosing items almost at random.</p>
<p>Truth be told, he did most of his own shopping along with his parents’; the selection was better and the stores were cleaner. But he’d stopped at this place back in April, when it was a scramble to find paper goods of almost any kind, and -</p>
<p>Was it too much to say his life had changed? More so than everybody’s had changed, that is.</p>
<p>Fortunately, at least for him, the store was rarely busy. Ben cruised casually down the front aisle, glancing at the two cashiers on duty and trying to figure out if <em>she</em> was on shift without being creepy. All right, <em>too</em> creepy.</p>
<p>And then he heard it, the laugh that had caught his attention that first time, when he’d been endlessly irritated and twitchy and struggling with the bandanna tied around his face, since masks weren’t to be had for love or money then. Desperate to buy paper towels so Han would <em>stay home</em> and not go out poking around for them himself, without even a face covering, stubborn ass that he was; standing in a slow-moving line with people grumbling and whispering and staring at each other judgmentally for whatever they were doing. Ben could judge with the best of them, but he’d been ready to howl and pitch the overpriced off-brand crap halfway across the store, and storm out.</p>
<p>And she’d laughed. The cashier. Not <em>at </em>anyone, but because of something the customer at her checkout had said. Laughed like it was a good joke, like they were old friends.</p>
<p>It had been like a lifeline, thrown to him across the heads of the people ahead of him. Overdramatic, but true. Her laugh just made everything...<em>better.</em></p>
<p>His interaction with her, once he finally made it to the counter, had been all of thirty seconds. She’d been wearing a proper mask, a paper one, though the paper was stained and one of the elastics had been knotted as if it had snapped. Brown hair in sweat-dampened curls that were trapped beneath the elastic; eyes whose color he couldn’t place, somewhere between brown and green; a blank of blue where her nose and mouth should be.</p>
<p>But her eyes had crinkled as if she were smiling beneath the muffling shield, looking fearlessly up at him even though Ben knew his scowl was enough to make almost anyone step back, bandanna or no bandanna.</p>
<p>“Got your prize for the day, I see,” she’d said cheerfully, in an accent that had no business on Long Island. “Congratulations!”</p>
<p>As simple as that, he’d been lost.</p>
<p>He’d been too stunned to do more than mumble a thank you when she’d passed him his receipt, and even if he’d been on his toes there had been ten people behind him and no time for her to talk.</p>
<p>Ben couldn’t explain the effect she’d had on him. He just knew that she was what drew him back to the grubby little store week by week as the pandemic ground on.</p>
<p>He was careful, loitering in the aisle with the best view of her register, pretending to compare cereal boxes while he waited for her to ring up her current customer. Ben blessed the fact that the place was usually slow; if he timed it just right, he could linger. Maybe even strike up a bit of conversation.</p>
<p><em>Just how pathetic are you?</em> that querulous voice asked. <em>Hanging around hoping for scraps from a woman you don’t even know - </em></p>
<p><em>That’s not true,</em> Ben defended himself. <em>I know she’s young. She’s British. She’s <strong>kind</strong></em>.<em> And smart. And probably poor, if she’s working here.</em></p>
<p><em>And unmarried?</em> the voice snarked back. Ben’s mouth tightened beneath the mask, and he put the cereal back on the shelf with a little more force than necessary.</p>
<p>Because as much as he tried to keep his intentions pure - to simply grab a few moments to bask in her aura - there was a hungry part of him that always wanted <em>more</em>. Even if there was no chance he’d get it.</p>
<p>He’d stolen a couple of guilty glances at her left hand, and though it was hard to tell whether there was a ring beneath the disposable glove she wore, he didn’t <em>think</em> there was.</p>
<p>
  <em>But not everybody wears one. And lots of people take them off at work, especially if they’re doing manual labor.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She probably has a lover anyway. Someone like her can’t possibly be single.</em>
</p>
<p>Ben let out a breath, feeling it flare hot and damp over his cheekbones, and turned. The customer was gone, no one was coming; it was the perfect moment.</p>
<p>He doused his hands in sanitizer gel, and pushed his cart forward.</p>
<p>She was wiping down the card reader with alcohol, Ben could smell it even through his mask, but as he entered the narrow little space next to the conveyor belt she lifted her head and - well, he <em>assumed</em> she was smiling. Her eyes were crinkling, anyway, just like they had the first time, and he couldn’t help smiling back, even though there was no way she could tell.</p>
<p>“Hey, it’s my favourite customer.” Her voice was so <em>warm</em>. Ben wanted to believe it was more, somehow, than she gave anyone else, even though he knew that was nonsense. She was just nice. She probably said that to half the people who came through her line.</p>
<p>“I don’t buy enough to be anyone’s favorite customer,” he countered, starting to transfer the contents of his cart to the belt.</p>
<p>She made a scoffing sound. “It’s nothing to do with how much you buy, it’s how you do it.” She sounded tired underneath the cheer, and Ben wanted to - he wanted to pick her up and carry her away, settle her in a soft chair and feed her until she fell asleep.</p>
<p>As usual, his eyes flicked to the name badge pinned to her shirt. The name there began with an R and ended with a y, but the letter in the middle had been written in Sharpie and written over with ballpoint, and he <em>still</em> couldn’t make it out. Was her name Ray? Roy? Something less usual? Was it even <em>her</em> name? He knew he should ask, but he couldn’t think of any way to do it that didn’t sound stupid - or like he was hitting on her.</p>
<p>Ben slowed down his loading as she began scanning his purchases. “Hard day?” he ventured.</p>
<p>She shrugged. “Just long, I suppose.” She slid a box of couscous into a bag. “Are you shopping for your mom again?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” It wasn’t entirely a lie; he’d pass Leia the couscous on his next visit, because <em>he</em> sure wasn’t going to eat the stuff.</p>
<p>“That’s very good of you,” she said seriously, gaze catching his though her hands continued to move with the ease of long practice. “She’s lucky to have you.”</p>
<p>Ben’s ears heated, and he dropped his gaze. “I owe her,” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“Hm. Still.” She pulled a full bag free of the hanger and started filling the next one. “Got a tea rec for me today?”</p>
<p>Somehow he’d told her about his collection, and her interest had spurred him to bring her samples, different each time. Ben fished in his breast pocket, pulling out the little paper packet and setting it on the belt. “Shoumei. It’s a white tea, so brew it at a lower temperature.”</p>
<p>“Right.” Her eyes crinkled again, and she scooped it up, setting it on the edge of her register. “Cheers.”</p>
<p>“Hey! Stop wasting the customers’ time.” The bellow cut across the store, and Ben flinched, though the cashier did not. The manager, a broad figure who always looked to Ben as if he smelled bad, was leaning out of the little customer service area at the front.</p>
<p>Ben glared at him, marshaling words, but the cashier lifted a hand, out of the manager’s line of sight. “It’s okay,” she murmured. “He’s harmless.”</p>
<p>Ben deflated. “Sorry,” he muttered back. “Can I fire him?”</p>
<p>She lifted a shoulder, and there was that laugh; just a little burst of it, but it made his heart absurdly light.</p>
<p>She finished his purchases with professional speed, long fingers all but flashing as Ben’s oranges and dental floss and bread rolls passed over the scanner. “You shouldn’t have to put up with him,” he said quietly.</p>
<p>“It’s a job,” she returned. “And I get to see interesting people all day.”</p>
<p><em>And risk your life,</em> Ben thought, but he knew quite well that it was unavoidable. She was essential personnel - and probably had no way to survive without the job.</p>
<p><em>And what are you doing, shopping here when you don’t have to?</em> It was a taunt. <em>Putting her at more risk - </em></p>
<p><em>No! I’m not sick,</em> Ben countered silently, half desperate. <em>I disinfect my hands before I unload my cart, I stay behind the barrier, I don’t lean close or touch her. </em></p>
<p>Still, the thought made his stomach twist. Ben cleared his throat as he swiped his card. “I - would you rather I didn’t shop here?” he asked, then bit his tongue as her brows snapped together.</p>
<p>“What? Why?” She sounded taken aback, almost hurt, and Ben hurried to explain.</p>
<p>“I mean - every customer’s a risk, aren’t they? If I didn’t come here, there would be less chance of you getting sick.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be a bloody idiot.” The words were crisp. “You’re one of the nicest customers I have.”</p>
<p>She tugged the receipt from the printer and held it out to him, folded the long way so he could take it without their fingers touching. “Besides, who would bring me tea samples?”</p>
<p>His ears were burning again, and his throat felt clogged. <em>She thinks I’m nice? </em>“There is that,” Ben managed.</p>
<p>“There you go then. See you next time?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” The word barely made it past the knot, and Ben could have kicked himself for sounding so brusque, but she cocked her head and lifted a hand again, giving him a tiny secret wave.</p>
<p>Ben gathered up his bags and bobbed his head, and tried not to trip over his own feet on the way out.</p>
<p>When he pulled off his mask in the car, he found he was grinning, and he couldn’t stop.</p><hr/>
<p>The next week, she wasn’t there.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A couple more notes: </p>
<p>1. Someone pointed out that Rey could presumbly read Ben's name off his credit card, but I'm picturing the sort of machine where one jams the chip end into the slot and the cashier never even sees it.  It's probably even harder now with all the Plexiglas.  </p>
<p>2. In this chapter, Ben has a beer before driving.  This is obviously not a good idea for a lot of people, but at his size and body mass it shouldn't affect him.  My little brother is about the same size and he can't get even get buzzed off of <i>multiple</i> beers.  Still, this is fiction.  Don't drink and drive.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben spent nearly an hour pretending to shop, his nerves growing tauter and tauter as her register remained empty. His thoughts spun around in a spiral of dread; <em>is she sick, is she fired, is she in the hospital, maybe it’s just her day off, but wouldn’t she have said so last week, what if - what if...</em></p>
<p>The manager was starting to give Ben hostile looks by the time he gave up. The line for the other cashier was about three deep, and Ben joined it, staring blindly at the faded ads on the far wall and trying not to panic.</p>
<p>All right, trying not to panic <em>more.</em></p>
<p><em>It’s none of your business,</em> he told himself as he waited. <em>You’re just a customer. You don’t even know her <strong>name</strong>. </em></p>
<p>But the moment he stepped into place at the register Ben couldn’t keep the question back. “The other cashier - is she not in today?”</p>
<p>The young man, blond and pink-skinned and wearing a standard paper mask, stared at him blankly for so long that Ben almost thought he hadn’t understood, but finally the kid blinked. “She’s out sick.”</p>
<p>Cold flashed over Ben from his nape to his heels. “Sick?” he forced through numb lips.</p>
<p>The cashier shrugged and started dragging Ben’s purchases over the scanner.</p>
<p>“Do you know how I can find her?” It was a ridiculous question, an <em>inappropriate</em> question, but desperation was driving him now.</p>
<p>The cashier paused; apparently he couldn’t think and scan at the same time. “Nope. But her roomie works next door.”</p>
<p>He resumed his task, and Ben tried to calm his breathing. Bolting off in the middle of the transaction was probably not a good idea, and he couldn’t afford to be banned from the store. Not right now.</p>
<p>As soon as he got outside Ben realized he’d forgotten to ask <em>which </em>next door, but since the hair stylist on the left was closed for the duration, there was only the liquor store on the right to try anyway.</p>
<p>The place was pretty much the equivalent of the grocery store - small, dingy, and overpriced. Ben sidled cautiously past too-close racks of cheap bourbon and cheaper gin, making for the glass-enclosed register booth opposite the door.</p>
<p>A small dark-haired figure sat inside, thumbs tapping on a cell phone - a short woman seated on a tall stool, Ben saw as he got closer. She looked up when he halted, her eyes above her pirate-flag mask bored. “Help you?”</p>
<p>Ben opened his mouth, then closed it, trying to figure out what to say. “I’m looking for the woman who works next door,” he blurted. “Is she - I mean, are you her roommate?”</p>
<p>The woman spun on the stool to face him straight on, gaze searching. “Who told you that?”</p>
<p>“The other cashier, I don’t know his name.” Ben bit his lip, fabric tightening across his chin. “Please - can you just tell me, is she all right?”</p>
<p>Her brows went up, and then the woman lifted her phone and snapped a photo of him. “Hang on a sec.”</p>
<p>She bent over her phone again, and Ben shifted from foot to foot, wondering bleakly if she was texting the police to tell them that there was a six-foot-three nut job invading the liquor store. But after about thirty seconds her phone chimed, and she answered it. “Yeah, is that him?”</p>
<p>Ben blinked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, pretty much.” The woman gave him an assessing look. “What? Okay, I’ll tell him.”</p>
<p>She thumbed the call off. “So you’re Rey’s favorite customer,” she said, sounding much more friendly. “She’s got a pretty heinous cold, but she’s okay.”</p>
<p>It felt like his spine was melting with relief. “Not the coronavirus?”</p>
<p>“Nope, she got tested last week. That asshole Plutt fired her yesterday, but she can’t work until she’s better anyway.” The woman squinted at him. “Are <em>you</em> okay?”</p>
<p>Ben gritted his teeth and told himself that he would <em>not </em>lean against the booth wall, he was a grown man who did not pass out in public. “I...I was worried.”</p>
<p>“I can see that.” The woman shook her head, voice going droll. “I’d offer you a drink, but...”</p>
<p>The laugh surprised Ben, popping out of his belly before he even knew it was coming. “I’m really her favorite customer?”</p>
<p>“Well, you’re neck and neck with the old lady who shows her cat pictures, but pretty much. Rey’s mentioned you enough that I could recognize you, anyway.”</p>
<p><em>Rey. Her name is Rey. </em>Ben felt as if some small piece of the universe had aligned within him, snapping into place. <em>She talks about me?</em></p>
<p>But the thought was pushed aside by a more urgent concern. <em>She’s sick, she’s poor, she just lost her job.</em> “Are you going to be here for a while?” Ben asked.</p>
<p>The woman blinked at him. “I guess? Until closing, anyway.”</p>
<p>“I’ll be back,” Ben told her, and all but ran out the door.</p>
<p>The grocery was the closest store, obviously. Ben dumped his bags of random crap in his SUV and went back, this time shopping with a purpose. Soup, orange juice, crackers, cold meds, a thermometer, the last two boxes of tissues on the shelf. The horrible Lipton tea she’d said she loved. Chocolate, because he’d heard it made everything better. Ben even picked up lip balm and, on impulse, a pair of fuzzy socks hung forlornly in the sundries aisle.</p>
<p>He wanted to buy out the dairy section, load up on milk and butter and eggs and fresh fruit too, but it was only mid-afternoon and the store didn’t sell coolers or ice. As it was, he could barely carry all the bags back to the liquor store in one trip.</p>
<p>Rey’s roommate was right where she’d been before, back to playing on her phone in the absence of customers. Ben hurried over, nearly knocking over a bottle when one bag swung too far.</p>
<p>“Can you give this to Rey?” he asked, a little breathless.</p>
<p>The woman’s eyes flew wide. “All that?”</p>
<p>Ben glanced down. “It’s not much. Just some stuff to make her feel better.” He set down the bags, and then remembered. Digging the usual packet out of his shirt pocket, he tucked it into one of the bags.</p>
<p>“It’s flowering tea,” he said. “I think she’ll like it.”</p>
<p>The woman was staring at him. “You are super weird,” she said after a moment. “But I’ll give it to her.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Ben hesitated, trying to think what to say next, but a harsh voice echoed out of the back of the store.</p>
<p>“Hey, no loitering allowed. Buy something or get out.”</p>
<p>The woman cursed softly and slipped off the stool. “I better get that out of sight before she comes up here. And you better go.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Ben said hastily. “Thanks again.”</p>
<p>He fled back out to his SUV and climbed in, peeling off his mask and turning up the A/C to full blast. Leaning back against the headrest, he closed his eyes and tried to assimilate the last half hour. <em>She’s not okay, but she’s <strong>okay</strong>. And I’m her favorite customer? </em></p>
<p>That last had to be hyperbole, he decided wistfully. It didn’t really mean anything, especially if he was in competition with <em>cat pictures</em>. But it had been nice to hear.</p>
<p>
  <em>Her name is Rey.</em>
</p>
<p>Ben was back home and washing off the day’s sweat in the shower when he realized that he wasn’t going to see her again.</p>
<hr/>
<p>“You awake?”</p>
<p>The soft words made Rey open her eyes, blinking. Rose was standing in the doorway of Rey’s room, a mug in one hand.</p>
<p>“Mm-hm.” Rey coughed and dragged herself upright, managing half a smile. Her head was stuffed with cotton, every muscle ached, and her throat felt like a broken glass, but it was better than yesterday and <em>lots</em> better than the day before.</p>
<p>“Good.” Rose stepped into the room, putting the mug on Rey’s nightstand and backing away again - not for fears of the coronavirus, but because neither of them wanted Rose to catch Rey’s bug as well. “More soup.”</p>
<p>Rey reached for the mug and inhaled the steam gratefully. She couldn’t smell a thing, but - “From Tall Guy?”</p>
<p>“You still sound like shit,” Rose observed. “Yeah. There were, like, four jars of it and we’ve still got two left.”</p>
<p>Rey took a cautious sip - she didn’t need a burned mouth on top of everything else - and let the hot liquid slide down her throat. “Wish I could tell him thank you.”</p>
<p>“It’s too bad,” Rose agreed, crossing her arms and leaning against the door frame. “I mean, still kind of creepy, but.”</p>
<p>Rey snorted, then had to blow her nose. She’d already gone through the two boxes of tissues Tall Guy had sent her, but they had some bargain basement stuff left, fortunately. “Seriously, he’s nice.”</p>
<p>“I’m not disputing that, but you know nothing about him besides the fact that he’s freakin’ <em>huge</em> and likes weird tea.” It was an old argument by this time, but Rose liked to revisit it.</p>
<p>“He shops for his parents, which means he’s a good son. Probably.” Rey took another swallow of soup; cold or no cold, she was hungry, like always. “And he’s always polite.”</p>
<p>“Setting you up,” Rose said darkly, though judging from her little smile she was arguing more for the fun of it at this point.</p>
<p>“Says the woman who ate more than half the chocolate.” Rey arched a brow, and Rose tossed her head.</p>
<p>“I had to make sure it wasn’t drugged. Speaking of, do you need more meds? I need to leave soon.”</p>
<p>“No, not yet. Have a good day.”</p>
<p>“Go back to sleep when you’ve finished that,” Rose ordered, and left.</p>
<p>Rey smiled into the mug, and listened to Rose gathering her keys and bag and banging out the front door.</p>
<p>Their tiny house was what Rose called a <em>long-term loan</em>, but Rey knew it was more like extended house-sitting - the friend of a friend who owned it lived on the other side of the country and didn’t want it sitting empty. It was a great deal, really, since all they had to pay for was utilities, in exchange for keeping the yard up and the house in decent shape. And, very importantly right now, it meant that Rey had her own bathroom, so Rose ran less risk of getting infected with her monster cold.</p>
<p>Rey leaned back against the headboard, tired but not ready to go back to sleep just yet. The unexpected gift from her friendly customer really had been a lifesaver - Rose had just started a much better job, but her first paycheck wouldn’t come for another two weeks, and Rey had absolutely no expectation of seeing the last one that Plutt owed her. They had plenty of ramen and peanut butter to tide them over, but the soup and the cold meds had made the last few days much easier for Rey.</p>
<p>
  <em>Not to mention tissues that don’t try to rip my nose off. </em>
</p>
<p>He’d even sent her decent tea, instead of the peculiar stuff he kept bringing her at the store. Rey had never had the heart to tell him that she’d found them all horrible; he was just so <em>sweet</em> about it, telling her a little about each kind and how to brew it.</p>
<p>Rey was pretty sure she remembered the first time he’d come in, back in March when even their pathetic little store was a madhouse; he’d been wild-eyed and faintly ridiculous, with a bandanna tied crookedly over his nose and mouth, but unlike many of the customers that day he hadn’t snapped at Rey or complained, just blinked at her and muttered a thank-you. He’d stood out more because of his height, then, and she supposed many people found it intimidating, but something about the angle of his shoulders and the duck of his head had made him seem - not harmless, exactly, but unthreatening.</p>
<p>She probably wouldn’t have given him another thought, though, except he came back. Every weekend, like clockwork. The first couple of times he’d barely spoken to her, but out of sheer curiosity she’d chatted at him, trying to spark a response. Before she knew it, they were talking about the pandemic (of course), books, and tea.</p>
<p>Rey had no idea what Tall Guy looked like under his mask, no more than she knew his name, but she knew the change in his voice that, combined with the way his eyes narrowed, almost certainly meant he was smiling; she knew the way his ears would go pink when she gave him a compliment; she knew his parents were divorced and elderly and occasionally exasperating.</p>
<p>And she knew she looked forward to his visits. Their brief conversations brightened dull afternoons, and his courtesy was soothing after strings of rude customers. Rose might scoff, but Rey couldn’t bring herself to believe he meant her any harm.</p>
<p>She liked his abrupt chuckle, and the wry comments he made, and the way his eyes would brighten when he made her laugh.</p>
<p>Rey sighed and finished her soup. <em>It really is too bad.</em> The load of supplies had surprised her as much as it had Rose, and Rey would have liked to thank him at the very least, but he’d disappeared before Rose had thought to ask his name. And while he might have come back to Plutt’s store, no one Rose asked there seemed to remember him at all. <em>I hope he’s okay...</em></p>
<p>Rey set the mug aside and reached for her water bottle. Rose would be gone for hours but was likely to text Rey and nag her about hydration, since she wasn’t there to do it in person. The thought made Rey smile. <em>Funny that we both lost our jobs at the same time.</em></p>
<p>But Rose had already found work at the local marijuana dispensary, which not only paid better but actually offered a health care plan. Rey had started looking at job postings when she had the energy; there wasn’t much available, but she was pretty sure she could at least find another cashier job, once she was over her cold.</p>
<p><em>I’d much rather something I can do from home, but beggars, choosers. </em>Options for those without college degrees were limited in their neighborhood, and all the more so during a pandemic.</p>
<p>Rey was bleakly aware that cashiering was a form of Russian roulette, even with every safety protocol possible, and it was <em>terrifying.</em> <em>But we have to eat.</em> Even Rose’s new salary wouldn’t cover them both.</p>
<p>She yawned, blew her nose again, and settled back down into her pillow. <em>Think about it later. You can have some more orange juice when you wake up.</em></p>
<p>The thought made her smile - not so much the juice, but the reminder of the shy, nameless tea enthusiast who had been so kind. Sometimes she thought she could listen to him all day.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m going to miss him. </em>
</p>
<p>Rey slept, and dreamed of a teapot full of little dancing lights, and a deep voice telling her all about them.</p>
<hr/>
<p><em>It’s for the best,</em> Ben told himself, lying flat on his bed and staring at the ceiling. <em>You were turning into a crazy stalker. </em></p>
<p><em>It didn’t mean anything,</em> he thought as he worked his way through his inbox, his work laptop sitting in front of his home computer. <em>She might like you, but you’re still just a customer.</em></p>
<p><em>Nothing would have come of it </em>as he cooked his dinner and ate it sitting at his kitchen island. <em>You’re a neurotic mess and she deserves better than that </em>as he ran on his treadmill. <em>Get a grip and grow up </em>as he shaved, watching himself in the mirror.</p>
<p>
  <em>You weren’t even really friends.</em>
</p>
<p>Ben knew he was one of the immensely lucky ones. He had a job that could be done remotely, and moreover, he actually <em>enjoyed</em> isolation. Staying inside and avoiding people was practically his dream setup, and while he did miss being able to go running whenever and wherever he liked, or taking a book out to his favorite restaurant, he was pretty content with things as they were. He’d spent so long working in a job he’d ended up hating, stressed and angry, that retreating to the peace of his apartment and not having to <em>talk</em> to anyone had been bliss.</p>
<p>If it hadn’t been for Han and Leia, Ben would probably only emerge once a month to stock up on supplies. He had work, he had the Internet, he had everything he needed at his fingertips. He could ride out the storm in comfort.</p>
<p>But the days following his visit to the liquor store seemed to squeeze the heart he wasn’t entirely sure he possessed, leaving it sore and bruised. Ben knew he had no reason to be so depressed, but he couldn’t seem to help it. No amount of pointing out the logic of the situation made it any easier.</p>
<p>He almost begged off his usual grocery run the next time; Leia and Han both had more than enough food to get them through another week. Only the knowledge that neither of them would <em>let it go</em> if he did drove him out of the apartment and into a brilliantly sunny day.</p>
<p>He got lucky with Leia. She was on the phone when Ben arrived, dealing with some crisis situation since she didn’t hang up, only waving at him with an exaggerated expression of regret. Ben merely set the bags on her porch, picked up the one she’d put out for him - cookies this time - and waved back as he left.</p>
<p>Han took one look at him and narrowed his eyes, but said nothing until he’d taken his groceries inside. He came back out with a beer and set it in the back of the still-open SUV.</p>
<p>“Dad - “ Ben started, exasperated, but Han shook his head and backed away.</p>
<p>“I keep ‘em for Chewie, but he hasn’t been close enough to drink since this whole shitshow started. You look like you could use it.”</p>
<p>Normally Ben didn’t drink in the middle of the day, but suddenly it didn’t seem to matter so much. He popped the top off the bottle with his house key and stepped back before pulling down his mask and taking a long drink.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to talk about it,” Ben said as he lowered the bottle, and Han snickered.</p>
<p>“Color me surprised. Tell you what, kid; I’m gonna sit back down, and you can sit on the bumper. And we can not talk about it for a while.”</p>
<p>It was surprisingly peaceful. They didn’t talk about anything at all; Han lay back in his chair, face turned up to the sun diffused by the awning, and Ben drank the rest of the beer more slowly, elbows resting on his knees. He knew he’d be safe to drive, one beer wasn’t enough to affect him, but he still lingered in the sun for a while.</p>
<p>It didn’t hurt any less, but it was quieter inside his head.</p>
<hr/>
<p>He’d meant to go home a different way. But habit was stronger than memory, and Ben found himself driving along the highway that led to Rey’s store. <em>No reason to stop</em>, he reminded himself. <em>Just keep driving</em>.</p>
<p>Except...</p>
<p>Rey’s roommate. She’d be willing to give him an update, surely? To let him know if Rey was feeling better. That wasn’t too much to ask, was it?</p>
<p>Ben took the familiar exit and pulled into the crumbling parking lot, his stomach churning with an uncomfortable mixture of hope and guilt, but it all fell away when he stopped in front of the liquor store.</p>
<p>The empty-windowed, padlocked, darkened liquor store.</p>
<p>There was some kind of notice pasted on the front door, but Ben didn’t get out to look at it. In fact, by the time he came back to himself, he was halfway home, with no memory of the miles he’d covered.</p>
<p>It shocked him, that he could be so overcome as to be careless, and he finished the drive with especial care, parking in his reserved space and taking the stairs up to his floor; these days he avoided elevators, even when no one else was in them.</p>
<p>Ben unlocked his door, went inside, closed the door and threw the bolt, and just...stopped.</p>
<p>
  <em>Idiot.</em>
</p>
<p>He hadn’t realized how much his subconscious had been expecting to hear about Rey again. How much he’d <em>depended </em>on it.</p>
<p>But he didn’t know her last name. He didn’t know her friend’s name.</p>
<p>
  <em>I don’t even know what she looks like.</em>
</p>
<p>Ben took a shaking step forward, then another, aiming for the couch in his living room. <em>I could walk right by her on the street and never know it.</em></p>
<p>He lay flat on the couch, one leg over the armrest and the other foot resting on the floor, and pressed his palms into his eyes, not even bothering to take off his mask. <em>You. Are. An. Idiot. </em></p>
<p>He’d built something up out of nothing. Ben knew that. But he hadn’t let himself see how much of <em>him</em> had gone into that illusory castle.</p>
<p>How much of his heart.</p>
<p>Six months earlier, if asked, Ben would have denied having any such thing as a heart - if he’d bothered to answer the accusation at all. But Rey’s laugh, her crinkling eyes, her kind words had all acted on him, waking that withered organ like true love’s kiss.</p>
<p>And unfortunately, popping the dream like the bubble it was hadn’t returned his heart to its former state.</p>
<p>
  <em>You never had any right to hope.</em>
</p>
<p>Ben swallowed. Pulled his hands away. Yanked off the mask and threw it across the room. And rolled over in time to bury his face in the cushion beneath him before the first strangled, cracking sob broke free.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Only one note this time: Rey's last name is an <i>extremely</i> obscure inside joke.  Don't feel bad if you can't place it.  </p><p>In fact, if you <i>can</i> place it, let me know so we can rejoice in the fun of a tiny fandom!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You don’t have to do my shopping any more.”</p><p>Ben sighed and angled his cellphone between his ear and his shoulder, wiping his wet hands on his jeans and hoping he didn’t drop the damn thing on the kitchen floor. “Mom, it’s not a problem.”</p><p>“I know that.” Leia’s voice was warm. “But some of the neighborhood kids have put together a collective, they’re doing errands for all the vulnerable people in the neighborhood. Free of charge! I need to <em>encourage</em> this kind of behavior.”</p><p>Ben grabbed the phone before it slipped and wondered how old these <em>kids</em> were. Knowing Leia, they could be anywhere from five years old to twenty-five. “That sounds risky.”</p><p>“They’re <em>very</em> careful. They all have masks and gloves and sanitizer spray, and a strict routine. They sent out a video of their whole procedure, it’s the cutest thing.”</p><p>Ben grimaced, but the truth was he couldn’t <em>make</em> Leia do anything. If she wanted to hand over her safety and her grocery list to a bunch of teenagers, it was her choice; and he knew her. That kind of local activism was one of her dearest passions.</p><p>Arguing wasn’t going to get him anywhere. Ben knew where he got his stubbornness.</p><p>Still, he didn’t have to be gracious about it. “I suppose I can’t stop you. But you’ll still disinfect the stuff as it comes in, right?”</p><p>“Of course I will.” Leia laughed. “I don’t dare tempt your wrath.”</p><p>The gentle jibe made Ben snort. Given that his teenage temper, and his parents’ inability to handle it, had been a large reason why he’d become estranged from them, it was a dangerous joke; but somehow it didn’t sting. <em>We’ve come that far, I guess.</em></p><p>“How’s your father?” Leia asked, switching subjects, and Ben shrugged his free shoulder even though she couldn’t see him.</p><p>“Same old, same old. I think he’d be more bored but Maz has him fixing things up in his spare time.” He leaned back against the kitchen counter. “You could try just asking him, I know you two talk to each other.”</p><p>It was Leia’s turn to snort. “Not if I want the truth. He can’t bullshit me face to face, but over the phone he’s the same sweet-tongued scoundrel as ever.” She sounded more amused than annoyed.</p><p>“Like you’d tell him the truth back,” Ben countered, one corner of his mouth twitching up, and Leia laughed again.</p><p>“Olé,” she said, some old inside joke that Ben had never understood. “You know...”</p><p>She hesitated, and Ben made an inquiring noise.</p><p>“If you wanted to stop by just to say hi...I could put a chair on the lawn. Maybe some lemonade in a paper cup.”</p><p>Ben bit his lip. “And a straw to go under the mask?” he said lightly.</p><p>“I bet I can find one.” He could <em>see</em> her in his mind’s eye, leaning back in her chair, peering over her glasses, gaze sharp and kind.</p><p>“I could do that.” Ben cleared his throat. “I still have to go out there for Dad’s stuff anyway.”</p><p>“There you go then.” Leia sounded a touch hoarse herself. “I’ll see you next week?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Ben squeezed his eyes shut. “Yeah.”</p><p>He went back to his salad when they ended the call, methodically tearing lettuce and slicing tomatoes and peppers. The conversation was a step forward, one that pre-epidemic Ben would never have considered possible - or, he thought dryly, would have wanted.</p><p><em>Imagine what this would have been like if you still had your old job.</em> The thought made him shudder. It was true that much of the work of a high-level investment company could, technically, be done from home, but the corporate structure wouldn’t have permitted it. <em>I’d probably have had a stroke out of sheer stress.</em></p><p>Ben ate his salad as methodically as he’d made it, listening to the silence of his apartment. It had been almost six weeks since he’d found the liquor store closed, and he liked to think he’d recovered some of his equilibrium since.</p><p>Logic, good sense, acknowledgment of the truth, whatever it was. Ben reminded himself for the thousandth time that he’d had no business putting all his emotional well-being on a handful of interactions with a stranger. And it was true he was calmer now.</p><p>But he still <em>hurt.</em> And the silence, once a welcome balm, was empty and dull.</p><p>Ben made a cup of jungjak after he’d finished eating. He took pleasure in the deliberate method of tea, of choosing the variety and monitoring the water temperature and steeping time; he liked the delicate differences in flavor and scent. It was soothing.</p><p>These days, though, it always made him think of Rey. Did she have any of his samples left? Had she brewed them properly? Did she cradle the cup in both hands and breathe in the steam?</p><p>Did she think of him while she did it?</p><p>He only drank half the cup.</p>
<hr/><p>On Saturday Ben reversed course, and did Han’s shopping before heading over to Leia’s house. He didn’t really think they would have a long conversation, but he didn’t want to have to shop while upset if things went poorly either.</p><p>The gray day suited him; it was much cooler with the sun behind the clouds. Ben exchanged a few words with Han, who was achy from the change in the weather and not feeling sociable, and suppressed a little swearing of his own when he reached Leia’s neighborhood and discovered that her street was closed for water main work.</p><p>It wasn’t that much of a problem; he found a space by the curb a block over, and walked back, enjoying the chance to stretch his legs without feeling like he was violating a quarantine rule. Leia was sitting on her porch steps waiting, and Ben’s mood eased as he saw the Adirondack chair waiting on her lawn, and the disposable cup next to it - complete with straw.</p><p>“Really, Mom?” Ben eased down into the chair and let his head tilt back to match the angle, looking up through the leaves overhead.</p><p>“It was the only thing I could borrow that would fit you,” Leia said wryly. “Ordinary lawn chairs are no match for you.”</p><p>“Don’t remind me.” He’d done in a cheap aluminum one at age twenty simply by sitting in it, a memory that time had finally made more amusing than embarrassing.</p><p>He picked up the cup, considered the straw, and glanced at Leia. She was a good seven or eight yards away, and there was no breeze.</p><p>
  <em>It’s safe enough, if she stays over there.</em>
</p><p>“I won’t move,” she said, as if reading his thought. “I swear.”</p><p>Ben blew out a breath, hesitating, then pulled down his mask enough to put the straw to his lips, though it made him feel like he was six again. <em>Yep, lemonade.</em> Probably from concentrate, just like the stuff of his childhood, loaded with sugar and added grape juice. It tasted good, still.</p><p>“Dad says hello,” he said after the first sip.</p><p>“Of course he does. I swear that man has communicated more in the last six months than in years, just because he doesn’t have to follow through.” Leia huffed.</p><p>Ben held up a hand. “Don’t put me in the middle of this.” It was only half a joke.</p><p>“No, no.” Leia shifted, resting her elbows on her knees and clasping her hands. “Let him stew. How’s work?”</p><p>That was easier. They chatted for a little while, somewhat stilted but still less awkward than Ben had expected. The neighborhood was active; people passed by from time to time, walking dogs or small children, riding a bike, some calling greetings to Leia who waved back. They were all wearing masks, Ben was pleased to note.</p><p>“How are you doing?” Leia asked finally, quietly. “You know that as your mother I’m obligated to ask.”</p><p>And, as his mother, she knew something was wrong, Ben understood that. She’d doubtlessly known for weeks, not that it would be hard. He’d turned up with her groceries six weeks earlier and barely managed a whole sentence before fleeing.</p><p>“I don’t want to talk about it,” Ben said evenly. And they had both learned something, it seemed, because he didn’t lose his temper, and she merely nodded.</p><p>The lemonade was gone; Ben used the straw to poke at the ice in the bottom of the cup. Leia waved to a couple of women walking past on the other side of the street. “Who’s that?” Ben asked, groping for a neutral topic and carefully not turning to stare. His face felt bare without the mask, and he pulled it back up.</p><p>“I have no idea,” Leia said cheerfully. “I don’t know <em>all</em> the neighbors, you know.”</p><p>“Then why were you waving?” Ben asked dryly.</p><p>“I’m promoting community feeling,” she replied with dignity, smirking. “It’s my job.”</p><p>Ben shook his head, lips twitching beneath the fabric. “How’s the neighborhood delivery service working out?”</p><p>He stayed almost forty-five minutes, which was astonishing considering that his usual visit was seven to ten at most. When Ben took his leave, it was still overcast, but he himself felt a tiny bit brighter.</p><p>He was halfway to his SUV when the door of the house he was passing slammed open and someone hurtled out. <em>“Wait!” </em></p><p>Ben flinched back as a young woman skidded to a halt in front of him, flinging up her arms as if to push him back. She was unmasked, hair spilling over her shoulders, and wearing a loose t-shirt and what looked like pajama pants. “Wait,” she repeated. “I need to thank you!”</p><p>Ben gaped at her. “For what?” he managed. “Are you sure you have the right person?”</p><p>The woman <em>beamed</em> at him, a wide and happy smile. “You’re very recognisable.”</p><p>It was her eyes that made him freeze, the way they crinkled at the corners; and then she slapped a hand over her mouth. “<em>Feck</em>, I forgot my mask.”</p><p><em>“Rey,”</em> Ben choked out, vision swimming.</p><p>“Stay there,” she commanded, and dashed back into the house, hand still covering half her face. Ben stared after her, eyes so wide they ached, and wondered if he was actually awake.</p><p>
  <em>Rey.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>They kept clean masks on the shelf by the front door, so it only took Rey a few seconds to grab one and yank it on. She was half-afraid that Tall Guy wouldn’t wait, but as she came back out he was still standing where she’d left him, hands hanging at his sides. In fact, he looked rather shocked - at least, as far as she could tell around his mask - and Rey winced.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she said, stopping in front of him. “I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to say thanks for the stuff you sent.”</p><p>He made a sort of incomprehensible sound, eyes dazed, then shook his head as if trying to clear it. “No - I - no, it’s fine, you - are you all right now?”</p><p>His voice was hoarse, and he couldn’t seem to look away from her. Rey chuckled.</p><p>“I’m fine, it was just a cold. You didn’t have to do that, you know.”</p><p>“I - I couldn’t help it.” He ran a hand through his hair, which promptly stuck out at ridiculous angles around the elastic of his mask. It was <em>adorable, </em>and Rey bit back a smile even though he couldn’t have seen it. “I was just...worried.”</p><p>“You’re really sweet.” If there hadn’t been a pandemic on, Rey would have patted his arm; he looked <em>cute</em>, and almost helpless, his shoulders hunched like he was trying to be smaller. “What’s your name, anyway?”</p><p>“My - oh. Ben. Ben Solo.” He lifted one hand in an awkward wave.</p><p>“Rey Brittaine.” She waved back, letting out the smile. “Your mom lives around the corner, huh?”</p><p>“Yeah.” His brows went up. “You saw us?”</p><p>“Yes, Rose and I were out for a walk and I <em>knew</em> you looked familiar, but I only just figured it out when I saw you going by.” And hadn’t <em>that</em> been a moment. Rey huffed. “I know, it makes me sound like a huge stalker.”</p><p>Ben - <em>Ben,</em> now she <em>knew</em> - coughed, his ears going pink. “I don’t think you’re the stalker in this situation.”</p><p>“What, because you only came to the store to talk to me?” The pink deepened to red, and Rey’s hand had crossed half the space between them before she remembered and snatched it back. “Don’t worry, I didn’t mind. I like talking to you.”</p><p>Ben’s eyes went wide again. “You - really?”</p><p>“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” He was nice and funny and interesting and -</p><p>He rubbed the heel of his hand over his eyes and muttered something that sounded like “<em>So</em> many reasons,” but Rey didn’t ask him to repeat it. “I have a confession to make, though,” she said instead.</p><p>Ben lowered his hand. “What’s that?”</p><p>Rey cupped hers over her mask as if to hide a secret. <em>“I don’t like green tea,”</em> she said in a mock whisper.</p><p>He <em>stared</em> at her for a long second, then let out a choked whoop of a laugh. “Philistine.”</p><p>“Snob,” Rey shot back, giggling, and it felt like the sun had come out over both of them despite the clouds.</p><p>She glanced back at the house. “I don’t have an Adirondack chair, but if you want we can sit on either end of the porch and talk for a bit.”</p><p>Ben swallowed, she could see his throat move. “I’d - I’d like that.”</p><p>In the end Rey settled in the somewhat rickety porch swing and Ben sat on the steps. “It feels odd to not offer you something to drink,” Rey said ruefully. “Even if we’re not inside.”</p><p>“I’ll take it as read,” Ben replied, sounding amused. He still seemed tense, but his eyes were bright. “Your roommate - she said you were fired...”</p><p>Rey nodded. “It was a good thing really, I found something better that I can do from home.”</p><p>Ben’s shoulders loosened, as if in relief. “That’s <em>very</em> good.”</p><p>“What do you do?” Rey asked curiously, and they were off. It was fun to talk with him without the time limitations of a transaction, Rey discovered; they weren’t bound to a few remarks about the news or a favorite author. He was intelligent and more than a little cynical, but when Rey countered a couple of his more pungent statements he gave way without hesitation.</p><p>She already knew they had overlapping taste in books and very different taste in music, but she found out they liked the same sort of vintage TV. When the conversation got more personal she learned more about his parents, and told him a little about growing up in the British foster care system. It was one of those magical times that she had experienced so rarely - the sort of conversation that heralded what could become an excellent friendship, evidence of two personalities that complemented one another.</p><p>And underneath that was her awareness that Ben was <em>attractive - </em>he had beautiful hands, and the sort of strong build she admired, and an underlying hesitancy that Rey kind of wanted to cuddle out of him.</p><p>She <em>really</em> didn’t think it was one-sided.</p><p>“It’s so weird that your mum lives around the corner,” she said, shaking her head. “If I’d known I could have asked her about you.”</p><p>“I’m surprised you didn’t know her already. Leia can be...aggressively friendly,” Ben said, his voice going a little dry.</p><p>Rey shrugged. “We worked long hours, before. And spent a lot of time out with friends. Poor Rose, this has all been kind of hard on her, staying home.”</p><p>“Like you don’t spend three hours a night raiding online with me,” Rose said drolly through the screen door. “Social interaction without having to dress up, it’s almost perfect.”</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes. Ben popped to his feet, ears tinting pink again, and it took Rey a moment to realize it was manners. “Ben, Rose Tico, Rose, Ben Solo.” She waved between them. “<em>Told</em> you.”</p><p>“I didn’t say you were <em>wrong</em>, I just said you couldn’t wander into a stranger’s yard to stare at them up close. Nice to see you again, Ben.”</p><p>He ducked his head. “And you. Thanks again for, uh, putting up with me being weird.”</p><p>“Nah, it’s fine. It was kind of sweet.” Rose grinned. “Look, not to break things up or anything, but dinner’s gonna be ready soon.”</p><p>Ben winced. “I’m sorry, I - “</p><p>Rey pointed at him. “No apologising! Rose, I’ll be in in a minute.”</p><p>“You’d better, it’s your turn to set the table.” She gave Ben a wave. “See you around.”</p><p>Ben stayed on his feet as she vanished. “I <em>am</em> sorry,” he said anyway. “I didn’t mean to take up so much of your time.”</p><p>Rey huffed. “What part of <em>I like talking with you</em> did you not understand?” She would have smacked his shoulder if he had been close enough, but settled for standing up and putting her hands on her hips. “I worried about you too, you know.”</p><p>Ben blinked. “You did?”</p><p>He sounded so uncertain that her amused annoyance faded. “You only go out once a week, for groceries, right?”</p><p>The apparent <em>non sequitur</em> had him cocking his head in puzzlement. “Yes?”</p><p>“Well, this is the closest I’ve been to another human being in six weeks, besides Rose. We’re probably both fine.” She took a tiny step forward. “Can I give you a hug?”</p><p>Ben went still for so long she was afraid he was offended, but before Rey could form an apology he nodded, one jerk of his head. “I...yes,” he said, voice a little hoarse again.</p><p>“I promise I won’t breathe on you,” Rey joked, and closed the gap between them.</p><p>He was tall enough that she couldn’t quite hook her chin over his shoulder, so Rey turned her face outwards, just in case, and rested her cheek on it instead. His arms closed around her so lightly, as if he was afraid she would break, and Rey tightened her own grip and heard his breath catch in his chest.</p><p>The odd quiver she felt under her hands, Rey realized, was Ben <em>shaking.</em></p><p>It should have alarmed her. But instead she wanted to soothe him, to stroke up and down his spine until he relaxed and then make him smile at her. Since that was a bit too much for a first hug, Rey just leaned a little closer and felt his ear pressing against the back of her head, felt his arms gradually snug her into him.</p><p>He was warm - well, she’d expected that. But he was also solid, not just with muscle, but with <em>presence,</em> as if Rey could lean against him forever and he would never let her fall. And the hand sliding up to cover her nape, the uneven rush of breath hissing against his mask, told her that this wasn’t a formality for him either.</p><p>It was good. It was very, very good, and she didn’t want to let go; but they couldn’t stand there all night. <em>More’s the pity.</em></p><p>Ben released her at once when Rey moved to step back, a deference she liked, and she pretended not to notice that his eyes were reddened, instead fishing in her pocket for her phone. “Give me your number?”</p><p>He cleared his throat and rattled it off, and Rey typed it in, reading it back to make sure she had it right. “I’ll text you,” she told him. “And maybe you could come by again next week. If you want.”</p><p>“I - yes.” His hands twitched, and he shoved them in his pockets. “I’d <em>really</em> like that.”</p><p>She grinned as wide as she could, and hoped at least a little of it made it past her mask. “Okay then.”</p><p>It was pretty obvious he was smiling back.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Rey.</em>
</p><p>Ben sprawled on his couch, staring up at the ceiling and seeing it not at all. His head was still spinning with everything that had happened that afternoon, from Rey bursting out of her house to her farewell wave when he’d finally made himself leave. She’d taken off her mask again once he’d reached the street, and her smile was like light even across the distance, dispelling the grayness he’d lived in for the last month and a half.</p><p><em>Don’t overdo it,</em> he cautioned himself. Just because Rey enjoyed talking to him, just because she’d hugged him, didn’t mean she wanted anything more than another conversation. Ben knew that.</p><p>And yet he felt like he could float up to touch the plaster above him. His chest was tight as though he were about to cry, and he couldn’t get the grin off his face.</p><p>He kept replaying the afternoon in his head, though it was a jumbled rush of memory, his brain leaping from moment to moment and too euphoric to slow down. The sheer disbelief of seeing her again, the astonished elation that she wanted to <em>talk</em> to him. That she wanted more than just trading a few words in passing.</p><p><em>She hugged me. She <strong>wanted</strong> to hug me. </em>He’d almost lost it then, senses overloading with the soft press of Rey against him and the scent of her filtering through the cloth over his nose and mouth. Ben couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched him for more than a handshake, and the fact that it was <em>her...</em></p><p>He knew his life wasn’t healthy as it was, not the emotional aspect anyway. Ben had dragged himself out of the soul-killing job that had consumed him for years, but now that he had time for a social life he hadn’t had the energy or desire for one. Solitude had been easier, less painful; and then the pandemic had put paid to that sort of thing anyway.</p><p>But now...</p><p>
  <em>What kind of pathetic weirdo will you look like if Rey finds out the only person you talk to outside of work is her? </em>
</p><p>Having Rey as a friend - that was the goal he would work towards, Ben told himself firmly. Anything else was too much to hope for, and much more than he deserved. Just to be able to talk with her on a regular basis, to see her for hours instead of minutes - that would be enough, <em>more</em> than enough.</p><p>And if he wanted that, he had to at least try to be someone she really would like to know.</p><p>He groped for his phone, thumbing it open. He meant to go to his contacts, but Ben detoured into his messages to read Rey’s note for what had to be the thousandth time. It was nothing elaborate, just an <em>oi this is rey</em> with an elaborate happy emoji, the sort of thing people sent to provide their contact information, and he’d waited five whole minutes before pulling over to send back a <em>Thank you</em>.</p><p>But it was proof that he hadn’t hit his head and dreamed the entire afternoon. Even now Ben wanted to text her back, beg her to chat with him this way too, but he didn’t want to make her sick of him.</p><p>
  <em>I’m not sure I could be coherent right now anyway. </em>
</p><p>Biting his lip, he switched to his contacts and scrolled through the short list, passing by all the business acquaintances until he got to the one he hadn’t actually used in years. <em>I hope it still works</em>.</p><p><em>Hey, how are you doing these days</em> wasn’t exactly a brilliant opener, but Ben figured that anything he came up with would be awkward anyway. He sent it and looked back at the past messages, the last one some meme sent two years ago that he hadn’t bothered answering.</p><p>It was rather a surprise when his phone buzzed in his hand. <em>Ben u morally dubious asshat how u been </em>popped up, along with an emoji of a unicorn sticking out its tongue.</p><p>Normally he would have rolled his eyes, but today it made Ben snicker. It was perfectly Poe.</p><p>He settled back, and replied.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Um...  *fidgets*  I'm so glad you all like my glimpse of Poe here, but he really doesn't have a place in this story?  I wasn't planning on doing anything else with him.  Sorry!  </p>
<p>This chapter is mostly conversations.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m going for a walk, want to come with?” Rey reached for a mask and her sunglasses; she was tired of <em>indoors</em>. Working as a transcriptionist was just about the perfect job for a pandemic, but right now she wanted to look at anything <em>but</em> a computer screen.</p>
<p>“Nah.” Rose, who was stretched out on their couch, yawned. “My feet hurt enough already.”</p>
<p>“Wimp.” Rey snapped on the mask, giggling at Rose’s languid rude gesture, and stepped outside.</p>
<p>It was a hot day, to be sure, but there was a breeze and the neighborhood streets had enough trees to offer decent shade. Rey set off at an amble, not willing to start sweating any sooner than she had to, and kind of wished Rose had come along.</p>
<p>She liked to tease Rose about their social distancing, but the truth was that Rey missed interacting with people just as much. Staying home was <em>much</em> safer, but also much less exciting than going out to meet friends for drinks, a movie, a museum run. IMs and video calls were a poor substitute for hanging out, laughing and talking and teasing.</p>
<p>Rey even missed her old job to a degree; not the long hours standing or the low pay, but talking with customers and coworkers, just seeing people and being part of a group. Certainly any number of annoying customers came through her line, but there were a fair number of nice ones too; Ben wasn’t the only person Rey chatted with on a regular basis.</p>
<p><em>He sure did stand out, though.</em> She snickered to herself as she turned the corner and started down a cross-street. <em>And not just because he’s so tall. </em></p>
<p>He’d come by three Saturdays in a row, now, not counting the first one where Rey had all but tackled him as he’d passed by, and they had sat for hours on the porch to talk. Fortunately it was large enough that they could sit at either end, because last weekend it had rained. Rey had brought out one of the dining room chairs so he wouldn’t have to sit on the stairs, and Ben had promptly turned it around and straddled it, which had done funny things in the pit of Rey’s stomach.</p>
<p>It was definitely strange, getting to know someone without being able to see most of their expressions, but Rey thought she was learning the rest of Ben’s body language fairly well. She found herself exaggerating her own expressions and using more gestures to get her meaning across; it was one thing to exchange a few words with a passing stranger, and quite another to hold long conversations with someone whose face she didn’t know already. <em>One look from across the street doesn’t count.</em></p>
<p>But Ben had a way of tilting his head when he was especially interested in something, of using his hands to emphasize a point, of hunching his shoulders when he was talking about something unpleasant. His ears would turn pink when he was embarrassed, and his voice would lower when he offered her a shy compliment, chin ducking as if he expected her to reject it.</p>
<p>She never wanted to reject it.</p>
<p>Rey waved to a family on the other side of the street, four people and an energetic small dog, and pushed her sunglasses up her nose. <em>I think Rose is right.</em></p>
<p>Upon longer acquaintance, Rose - who sometimes joined their conversations for a while, standing on the other side of the screen door - had modified her opinion. <em>He’s not stalking you,</em> she told Rey. <em>He just wants to date you. Really, really awkwardly.</em></p>
<p>Rey had to admit that the idea appealed, a <em>lot</em>. <em>Maybe not the awkward part, but. </em>It was true that they didn’t know each other that well yet, but she’d gone out on dates with people she’d only just met. <em>And if Rose brings that up I’ll remind her about her last attempt at Tinder. </em></p>
<p>Anyway, the whole thing was kind of academic at the moment. They still shared a hug at the end of every meeting, but they both knew there was a risk involved, if a small one. Ben still shopped for his father every week; Rose’s job involved interacting with the public even if she did most of it from behind a Plexiglas barrier, and if she got infected Rey would too, long before Rose showed symptoms. Either one could potentially pass the virus to the other.</p>
<p><em>But I really <strong>like</strong> hugging him.</em> Rey felt her lips curl beneath the mask. Ben was good at it, wrapping her up without squeezing too tightly, and he never let his hands wander; Rey always wanted to <em>linger</em>. The press of his cheek against her crown was downright endearing, and the way he sighed when she slid her arms past his ribs always sounded so <em>relieved.</em></p>
<p>She couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to curl up with him on some piece of furniture that could actually hold them both, maybe to marathon an entire season of <em>Blake’s 7</em>. To not have to <em>let go</em>.</p>
<p>As she passed Ben’s mother’s house, Rey saw someone in the yard, which surprised her - usually it was empty. The small woman was filling a bird feeder hung from a low branch, and on impulse Rey crossed the street, stopping at the edge of the yard. “Hallo?”</p>
<p>The woman turned, brows going up. “Hi there.”</p>
<p>“Are you Mrs. Solo?” Rey’s face heated a trifle, but the woman smiled.</p>
<p>“It’s Organa, actually, but yes. I take it you’re Ben’s friend?”</p>
<p>“I am, yeah.” Rey lifted a hand, and the woman’s smile widened. She fished a mask from her pocket and looped it on.</p>
<p>“Then come talk with me for a bit. And call me Leia.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>Summer wound its way towards autumn. Ben scheduled his visits to Rey and Rose’s house with more care than he’d ever spent on anything else, making very certain that nothing interfered with them - though not much threatened to, given that they were on Saturdays. He would get up early, shop for Han and visit for a bit, then swing by to see Leia before going to Rey’s; the fact that he and his parents were capable of having an actual conversation again did not escape him, but none of them wanted to bring it up. It all felt too fragile still.</p>
<p>Though Leia had mentioned, briefly, that she’d met Rey. <em>I like her,</em> his mother had said. <em>I hope she sticks around.</em></p>
<p>He didn’t need Leia’s approval, Ben told himself, and meant it. But...on some level, he was glad to have it.</p>
<p>He’d even gotten back into gaming, thanks to Poe and his buddies; Ben had forgotten how much fun it was to shoot things and trade insults for hours, and they certainly had more time to play. Poe also resumed his habit of sending ridiculous texts at all hours, which was annoying; Ben refused to mute his phone in case his parents had an emergency, but eventually he’d learned to sleep through Poe’s text ringtone.</p>
<p>But the best part of his day, now, was talking with Rey.</p>
<p>It had been her idea, chatting on evenings when they weren’t gaming. Ben had managed not to blurt out that he would happily drop <em>anything</em> he had scheduled in favor of talking with her, and so they kept it to a sensible two or three nights a week.</p>
<p><em>Are you sure you don’t want to do FaceTime?</em> she’d asked the first time, and he’d gulped.</p>
<p><em>I don’t like seeing my own face on screen, </em>he’d told her, and she had accepted that without hesitation. And it was true, his already awkward features looked horrible in photos and worse in video; it always made him uncomfortable.</p>
<p>But, as Ben’s phone chimed and he touched his earbud to answer it, he knew it wasn’t the only reason.</p>
<p>“Hello,” he said, unable to keep back the smile and not even trying; who was there to see?</p>
<p>“Hey,” Rey said, a little breathless as if she’d just been hurrying somewhere. “Did you watch it?”</p>
<p>Ben lay back on his couch, closing his eyes and picturing her there as if she were just a few feet away, eyes lit and mouth curled in that enchanting grin. “Of course I did. And I hate to break it to you, but <em>The Tripods</em> is still terrible.”</p>
<p>Rey squeaked with laughter. “<em>So</em> terrible! It’s still required watching - “ And they were off.</p>
<p>Ben thought sometimes that he could talk with her all night, debating and laughing and comparing old favorites among books and movies, and at the same time picturing her <em>there</em>. As if there were no pandemic, as if they’d met in some normal fashion and she could visit him without fear.</p>
<p>If he imagined her leaving that chair and dropping down beside him, and snuggling close when he put an arm around her shoulders, well, he didn’t let the least hint of that seep into his voice. Nor of pressing his nose into her hair, or letting his thumb brush across her cheek.</p>
<p>And it wasn’t...well, he still wasn’t going to consider it a <em>possibility</em>, but now that he knew Rey was unattached it was an even more persistent fantasy.</p>
<p>His imagination was better than worrying about what he looked like, anyway; he could listen to Rey moving about her home and picture her as she talked, telling him what she was making for supper or teasing him lightly as she made a cup of tea.</p>
<p>“<em>Builder’s </em>tea, Ben. Proper black tea with milk in.”</p>
<p>“Barbarian,” he countered, amused, visualizing her with her mug and her awful teabags. “Besides, you shouldn’t be drinking caffeine so late.”</p>
<p>Rey snorted. “I sleep like the dead.” Her voice lowered, going a bit uncertain. “It doesn’t bother, you, does it? That I didn’t like your samples?”</p>
<p>It did, and it didn’t; his mild disappointment was far outweighed by the knowledge that she hadn’t wanted to hurt his feelings. “No. I just - “</p>
<p>Ben hesitated, and Rey made an inquiring noise. He forced a laugh, keeping his voice casual. “I guess I was just hoping you’d think of me when you made a cup.”</p>
<p>Immediately he cringed. <em>That was so stupid, you - </em></p>
<p>Rey laughed again. “I think of you when I make a cup of <em>proper</em> tea now. I can’t help it!”</p>
<p>The uneasy cold in his middle dissolved. “Standing over you frowning?”</p>
<p>“I’m sure you have a <em>terrible</em> frown, but no.” Her tone went soft, but still humorous. “I just think of you. You are now associated with all things tea in my mind.”</p>
<p>“I’ll take it,” Ben shot back, and felt his heart swell when she giggled.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The weather cooled. Ben began wearing a sweater when he went to visit his parents and Rey, and then a jacket, though he usually ran hot enough that he didn’t need a heavy one.</p>
<p>It worried him, though. <em>What are we going to do when the weather gets really cold? </em>He hardly wanted Leia or Rey shivering even if he was warm enough; but he loathed the idea of putting any of them at greater risk by coming inside.</p>
<p>Yet, phone calls notwithstanding, the mere thought of giving up his chats with Rey made him feel vaguely ill. Not to see her eyes sparkling above her mask, not to catch all the little nuances that a camera could never capture - it didn’t bear thinking about.</p>
<p>And worse still, to give up her hug. To stop touching her, or to lose the feeling of her pulling him close, for that long moment that was never long enough; <em>that </em>brought Ben close to panic.</p>
<p>He was drawn out of brooding over the problem in early November when Leia called.</p>
<p>“I’m keeping you up to date,” she said without preamble. “Your father managed to sprain his wrist yesterday - not badly enough to need surgery, but he’s going to need some help.”</p>
<p>Ben blinked and sat up straight. “What - “ he started, but Leia ran him over. “Since neither of us have been out and about since this whole thing started, I went and brought him back to my place. He’ll be staying here for the foreseeable future.”</p>
<p>Ben opened his mouth, then closed it. His parents’ relationship throughout his life could easily be labeled <em>on-again-off-again,</em> but he wasn’t sure how long <em>on-again</em> would last given the pressures of isolation.</p>
<p><em>It’s not your problem,</em> his mind pointed out coolly, and he exhaled. “That sounds like a good idea, Mom. Is he all right otherwise?”</p>
<p>“He’s got a couple of bruises from slipping, but nothing bad,” Leia replied. “I don’t think he would have said anything, but Maz ratted him out.”</p>
<p>The dry humor made Ben snort. “I’m not surprised.”</p>
<p>“Me either.” Leia chuckled. “Anyway, I don’t want to hold you up and I have ice packs to assemble, but it lets you off the hook for groceries. I know,” she said as he drew in breath. “You don’t mind. But I can just add to my order with the kids, they love a challenge.”</p>
<p>“And make him eat his vegetables while you’re at it,” Ben said, amused.</p>
<p>“Best way to heal,” Leia agreed cheerfully. “It’ll save you time on Saturday, anyway, not having to drive to both places. We’ll see you then?”</p>
<p>There was still the barest touch of uncertainty in the question, and Ben knew he - <em>they</em> - had come a long, long way when his first impulse was not guilt but the desire to soothe. “It’s a date.”</p>
<p>She laughed, and hung up, and Ben found himself smiling at his phone. <em>When did that happen?</em></p>
<hr/>
<p>That weekend was quite chilly, with a brisk wind. Ben and Leia limited their chatting to about five minutes, with a brief appearance by Han with his arm bound in what looked like a mile of sports bandage; he pretended to be sulking, but Ben could see he was pleased to be back with Leia for the moment. When he got to Rey and Rose’s house, Rey wrapped herself in a massive quilt when she came out to meet him. “Do you want one? We’ve got, like, five. I can run the iron over one, that’ll probably kill anything infecting it.”</p>
<p>Ben shook his head, straddling his chair as usual; between his peacoat and his gloves, he was plenty warm. “I’m fine. Is that going to be enough?”</p>
<p>“Sure!” Rey flipped one edge over her head, so only her face was visible, and he saw her eyes crinkle as she grinned. It was only partly reassuring.</p>
<p>The problem nagged at Ben all through his visit. <em>Winter here is no joke. This won’t work for long; eventually it will just be too cold. What if it starts sleeting, she could get sick again - </em></p>
<p>Rey broke off in the middle of a sentence, head tilting. “Ben,</p>
<p>are you okay?”</p>
<p>Ben flinched. <em>She noticed, you idiot, pay attention!</em> “Um - yes, sorry. I’m just a little distracted.”</p>
<p>She leaned forward a bit. “Is it something I can help with?”</p>
<p>And that was Rey through and through, he thought; generous and kind without any hesitation. But he shook his head. <em>She’ll just tell me she can stay outside in a blizzard, and that won’t do.</em> “I have to solve it on my own. But - thank you.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” Rey sat back again. “Do you need to go early?”</p>
<p>It was a light offer, but he still almost snapped back. “No! No, it’s fine. It’s nothing.” Ben licked his lips beneath his mask. “Sorry.”</p>
<p>Rey made a <em>pfft</em> sound. “Stop apologising,” she said, equally lightly. “You’re <em>allowed</em>, you know.”</p>
<p>It was always like that. Ben tried to meet the standard he felt Rey was worthy of, only to have her completely ignore it in favor of - well - <em>acceptance</em>.</p>
<p>No one else had ever offered him that, not like she did; not even his parents. So easily, blithely, as if it were nothing important at all. She liked <em>him,</em> just as he was.</p>
<p><em>As you <strong>let</strong> her see you,</em> the querulous voice reminded him. <em>You hide all the worst parts.</em></p>
<p><em>But I’d do that anyway. </em>Ben refused to let it upset him, and pushed the problem aside for the moment, returning his focus to Rey. “It’s still rude,” he replied, pressing his hand to his chest and dipping his head a trifle in mock humility. “My humblest apologies.”</p>
<p>Rey snickered, and they kept talking.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Rey picked up her phone with a positive thrill of anticipation. Talking with Ben was rapidly becoming the highlight of her day, and she didn’t think it was just because her social options were limited at the moment.</p>
<p>The only trouble was that hanging up left her feeling a bit bereft.</p>
<p>Normally, the solution would be obvious, but under the circumstances... <em>It’s hard to ask him if he wants more when we can barely even touch each other.</em></p>
<p>She unlocked the phone and scrolled through her favorites, thumb slowing to hover over Ben’s name. He was so uncomfortable with photos that she had no image of him, which was a shame; the one glimpse she’d had of his uncovered face, across a street and a yard, had been very appealing, but for the most part she was still left to her imagination.</p>
<p><em>Be honest. He could be ugly as sin under the mask, and between his eyes and his voice it wouldn’t matter in the least. </em>Not to mention his sheer <em>sweetness</em>, and the shy devotion he was so bad at hiding...</p>
<p>Rey sighed, and pressed to call. <em>You are so hopeless.</em></p>
<p>His deep “Hello” always made her smile, it was reflexive by now.</p>
<p>“Hey, Ben,” she replied, settling down on her bed. “Are you feeling better?”</p>
<p>“Hm?” He sounded confused.</p>
<p>“Your problem,” Rey prompted. “Did you solve it?”</p>
<p>“Not really,” Ben said slowly. Rey leaned back against her pillows.</p>
<p>“Tell me about it? I know what you said, but maybe I can help.” She could see him in her mind’s eye, gaze fixed on her and hands flexing, they way they did when he got nervous. She didn’t want to push him, but Rey didn’t like it when he was troubled.</p>
<p>“Um. Well - “ She heard him breathe out. “It’s just - it’s getting colder. Sooner or later it’ll be too cold to sit outside to talk.”</p>
<p>“That’s true.” Rey frowned thoughtfully. She’d been aware of the issue, but she hadn’t really spent much time thinking about it yet. “Well, you know new cases are dropping off, and you’re only going out to shop, what, once a month now? I think we could move inside.”</p>
<p>There was a long silence before he spoke, voice hesitant. “That’s still a risk.”</p>
<p>“Yes, but it’s a small one.” Rey bit her lip. “But if you’re not comfortable with it - “</p>
<p>“No! I - I mean, <em>I’m </em>okay with it.” Ben sounded almost upset. “But...I don’t want to put <em>you</em> at more risk.”</p>
<p>Rey felt herself flush a little. He was so - <em>gallant</em> was the only word she could think of, old-fashioned as it was. Even if she didn’t require the care, it felt good to have it offered, as it were.</p>
<p>“I appreciate it, but really I don’t think it’s that much of one. And I’d rather not give up our Saturdays.”</p>
<p>“All right then.” His voice was low, but he sounded pleased. “I don’t either, to be honest.”</p>
<p>Rey grinned. “That’s settled then.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>His phone chimed in the middle of breakfast on Saturday, and Ben put down his spoon and leaned over to scoop it up, glancing at the display and frowning a bit in concern as he hit the reply button. “Mom?”</p>
<p>“Hello, Ben. I’m sorry to call so early but I wanted to catch you before you made your plans for the day.” Leia’s voice was easy, and Ben relaxed a trifle; not an emergency.</p>
<p>“You’re on time then. What is it?”</p>
<p>“Well, to use your father’s phrase, it’s pissing out there. Frankly I don’t think he should be out in this kind of weather.”</p>
<p>Ben, smothering a snicker at her words, leaned back in his chair to look out his kitchen window. Yes, it was the sort of thin and dreary rain that would persist all day, and he could all but feel the chill of it. “I don’t think <em>either</em> of you should be out in this weather.”</p>
<p>Leia cleared her throat delicately. “That’s a debate for another time, but yes, if I go out he’ll insist on following me.”</p>
<p>Ben chewed on his lip. “It’s not safe yet for me to come inside, even with masks. Not with you two.”</p>
<p>Leia sighed, voice dropping as if she were afraid of being overheard. “I agree with you there too.”</p>
<p>That made Ben sit up, an unpleasant chill settling in his stomach. “Mom?”</p>
<p>“No, don’t worry. I didn’t mean to be alarmist.” She huffed. “It’s just - Han’s been letting himself go, I think, since this all started. You know what he’s like, he thinks he can survive anything, and without Chewie close by to keep an eye on him - well.”</p>
<p>Ben swallowed. “That’s not making me feel any better.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry,” Leia said more firmly. “I’ll get him into better shape whether he likes it or not; he just needs a little looking after. But under the circumstances, I think you had better skip this week, yes.”</p>
<p>Her tone shifted, and Ben could hear her smile. “It’ll give you more time to spend with Rey.”</p>
<p>He flatly refused to rise to the bait. “Tell Dad he has my sympathies.”</p>
<p>Leia chuckled. “I’ll do that. Have a good day, Ben, drive carefully.”</p>
<p>“‘Bye, Mom.” Ben rolled his eyes as he disconnected.</p>
<p>He ate the rest of his breakfast in a thoughtful mood. There was a lot behind what Leia had said, and what she had implied, and none of it was good.</p>
<p>The summer and fall had brought their orbits closer together, and Ben was glad that he and his parents were on better terms, though the relationship still felt very fragile at times; they still kept to light topics, deliberately not addressing the past.</p>
<p>But the seasons had also brought into sharp relief the fact that his parents were <em>aging</em>. Han, ten years Leia’s senior, was far from the vigorous, athletic man Ben remembered; he had lost height and muscle, arthritis slowing him down though his eyes were still bright.</p>
<p>Leia was grayer, though the only other sign of age Ben saw was that she tired more easily now. <em>Still. That won’t last.</em></p>
<p>Objectively, of course, Ben knew that he was likely to outlive his parents, and he could not in conscience wish it otherwise. But it still hurt to think about that future, especially when he could do nothing more than he was already doing.</p>
<p>He breathed out, and set the knowledge aside for the moment. <em>I should call Rey and see if she wants to shift our schedule any. </em></p>
<p>Or, perhaps, lengthen it.</p>
<p>Five minutes later, he disconnected again, looking around in a bit of a daze. <em>Why not let me do the driving this time?</em> she’d said. <em>If you don’t mind having a visitor. I’d love to get out of the house for a bit.</em></p>
<p>The idea of having Rey in his apartment, where he’d imagined her so many times, had left Ben barely able to unstick his tongue. But he’d managed to agree, and now -</p>
<p><em>“Fuck.”</em> <em>I need to clean the bathroom. I need to clean <strong>everything</strong>. </em></p>
<p>He dropped the phone, and bolted.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Rey wasn’t sure what to expect when she pulled into the visitor’s space beneath Ben’s apartment building. The place - and its location - was rather more expensive than something she could ever afford, but from a few comments Ben had made about his previous job she figured he had money.</p>
<p>It didn’t bother her. Rey already knew they were on different social strata; but she liked Ben for himself, and it obviously didn’t trouble him either. And she had to admit she was curious to see what his space was like.</p>
<p>She looped on her mask and opened the car door. <em>All right, the elevator’s over there, take it up to the lobby and he’ll meet you there. </em></p>
<p>Rey grabbed her bag from the passenger seat and climbed out. She’d spent the morning baking her favorite biscuits, determined to feed him at last even if the host-guest dynamic was reversed this time. <em>At least I know he likes sweets! </em></p>
<p>She punched the elevator button with the back of her wrist, covered by her coat sleeve, and the doors opened immediately. Within seconds she was stepping into the lobby, which looked more like a sparsely decorated living room than the entrance to an apartment building, but Rey barely saw it because Ben was rising from one of the sofas. “Rey,” he said, and while he was wearing a mask like a good citizen she could see his ears shifting in the way that meant he was smiling. “Did you have any trouble finding the place?”</p>
<p>“Nope, GPS still works.” Rey grinned back at him, knowing he too could tell. “Nice place you’ve got here.”</p>
<p>Ben shrugged. “It seems to be a requirement. Come on, let’s go upstairs.”</p>
<p>He gestured her into one of the main elevators and passed a keycard over the scanner. “Ah, that’s why you wanted to meet me down here,” Rey said as the elevator started to rise. “I thought it was a bit odd.”</p>
<p>“You can buzz people in, but the connection hasn’t been working well lately,” Ben said, a little apologetic. “It was simpler just to come down.”</p>
<p>“I don’t mind.” Rey looked up at him. “Look, I want to ask you something, and you have to promise to be honest about it.”</p>
<p>Ben raised a brow. “All right?”</p>
<p>“We’re going to be in a closed environment for at least a couple of hours. The masks are pretty pointless, we’ll be swapping germs no matter what. Why don’t we just skip them once we’re inside?”</p>
<p>Ben went very still; it was hard to tell, but Rey thought he might have turned slightly paler. She opened her mouth to withdraw the request, but Ben spoke first. “If you’re sure.”</p>
<p>“I am.” She appreciated his caution, but Rey figured the risks were minimal. And she <em>really</em> wanted to see his face.</p>
<p>The elevator halted and the doors opened, and Ben opened a hand; Rey stepped out and let him lead her down the thick-carpeted hall to one of many anonymous doors.</p>
<p>The apartment beyond it was bigger than Rey expected, and she pulled off her mask as soon as she heard Ben shut the door behind them, inhaling. It was spacious, with white walls and dark wood trim, and it smelled like polish and something herbal. “Wow,” she said appreciatively - it was nothing like hers and Rose’s cluttered, cozy, brightly colored home, but she liked it all the same - and turned.</p>
<p>Ben was watching her, one hand still pressed against the door, eyes wide over his mask. It was funny, she thought, how she could see so little of his face and still know that he was apprehensive, waiting for her verdict.</p>
<p>Rey stuffed her mask in her pocket, set her bag on the floor, and stepped into his personal space, lifting her hands to do what she had wanted to do for quite some time now. His mask came off easily, even over those prominent ears, and Ben made no move to stop her; in fact, she thought he was trembling again.</p>
<p>His face wasn’t smoothly handsome or generically plain; it was planes and angles she hadn’t expected, alive with tension and instantly attractive. She brushed the backs of her fingers over the length of his jaw, then rose on her toes, moving slowly enough to give him time to say something, to step back.</p>
<p>He didn’t.</p>
<p>His mouth was soft against hers, and she heard his breath catch in his throat. One big hand curved at her waist, but that was all; Rey let him go and relaxed down to her feet again, and smiled at him. “I brought snacks.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Disclaimer: I think green tea tastes like grass.  *bleah*</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>	<em>I am dreaming.  I <strong>have</strong> to be dreaming.</em>  </p>
<p>	Ben watched as Rey drew off her coat, stepping forward automatically to take it from her and hang it in the closet next to the front door; he was barely aware enough to remove his own as well.  Half of his mind was screaming that Rey was in his space at last, and the other half was replaying the gentle press of her lips against his own.  The skin she’d touched along his jaw still hummed.  </p>
<p>	“You have a great place, Ben,” she was saying, looking around with her hands on her hips.  Her hair, which had gone from short curls when he’d first met her to brushing her shoulders, was drawn back from the front but left to hang down behind, and he couldn’t take his eyes from the sway of it when she turned away.  </p>
<p>	His mouth formed her name at least twice before he managed to get his voice to work.  “Rey.”  </p>
<p>	“Hm?”  She swung around to face him, lit with pleasure and curiosity, and he took in the details of her features greedily - high cheekbones, a wide mouth, a smile that would have reeled him in if he weren’t already hopelessly ensnared.  </p>
<p>	Ben took a lurching step forward.  Despite his height, she didn’t flinch, just tipped her head back a little to meet his eyes.  She had never flinched from him, and it was part of why he loved her.  </p>
<p>	His hand rose almost without volition, cupping her cheek.  “Will you do that again?”  He touched his thumb to the corner of her mouth, still not quite believing that this was real.  “Please?”  </p>
<p>	Her smile widened, and she reached up for him.  “Come here then.”  </p>
<p>	She felt so <em>right </em>in his arms.  Ben kissed her slowly, all his attention fixed on her, from the feel of her fingers against the nape of his neck to the firm muscles of her back under his palms.  </p>
<p>	The taste of her, the tender fit of her lips against his; it was a bliss he hadn’t hoped to know, and he had to keep himself from lifting Rey off her feet and simply never <em>stopping.</em>  </p>
<p>	His spinning brain slowed, halted; there was only this moment.  The scent of her filling his nose, nutmeg and sweetness, the tiny pleased hum she made, the welcome weight of her as he brought her closer.  </p>
<p>	Only Rey.  </p>
<p>	He was still dazed when she pulled away, but instead of near-panic it was a silent delight, welling out from the center of him like a secret spring.  Ben had absolutely no idea what to do with it.  </p>
<p>	Rey tapped his nose with one finger, her smile wide.  “Been wanting to do that for a while,” she said, and Ben felt his mouth turn up in a lopsided twist.  </p>
<p>	“The kiss, or the nose?”  </p>
<p>	“Both.”  Rey stepped back, turning to pick up her bag and rummage in it.  She came up with a thumb drive and waved it at him.   “I also brought <em>Blake’s 7</em>, just in case.”  </p>
<p>	He couldn’t take his eyes from her.  “The whole thing?”  </p>
<p>	“Every ep.  <em>And</em> the blooper reel.”  Her grin could have lit the world, he thought.  “I know we can’t get through all of it at once, but - “  </p>
<p>	“Depends on which ones you want to skip,” Ben said wryly.  </p>
<p>	“What, you don’t just love the one about the space flea?” Rey pulled out a cookie tin as well.  </p>
<p>	“I was thinking more of <em>Star One,</em> but yeah.”  On some level Ben was astonished that he was managing complete sentences.  Having Rey in his space, being able to see her wholly, <em>kissing</em> her - she’d flipped him upside down.  He couldn’t find his equilibrium, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to.  </p>
<p>	“Hah.  Yes or no, Solo?  We can watch something else if you’d rather, or just talk...”  </p>
<p>	“Have you had lunch?” fell out of his mouth.  The urge to take care of her was sudden and sharp.  “I could make something.”    </p>
<p>	“Well, yeah, but I never say no to food.”  Rey’s shrug was casual, but he saw the way her smile faded slightly.  “It’s sort of ingrained.”  </p>
<p>	She’d mentioned her upbringing before, in vague terms that were light on details, but Ben had heard enough to want to deal justice to those who had neglected her.  Since that wasn’t possible - </p>
<p>	“Come on, then.”  He gestured towards his kitchen.  “Tell me what you want.”  </p>
<p>	They settled on the couch with a plateful of <em>croque monsieur </em>sandwiches, which Rey insisted on calling Mister Crunchies, and a couple of beers, and Ben plugged the thumb drive into his entertainment system while they argued cheerfully over whether to watch the pilot episode or not.  </p>
<p>	“The only virtue it has is to explain what’s going on to newbies,” Ben insisted, sitting back down and bringing up the files.  </p>
<p>	“Okay, but we have to watch <em>Space Fall</em>, because I love the snark.”  </p>
<p>	“Who doesn’t?”  Ben nudged the plate in Rey’s direction.  She didn’t hesitate, scooping up one sandwich and biting into it enthusiastically.  Her eyes widened, and he flinched.  “If you don’t like it - “</p>
<p>	“Nnn!”  She chewed, swallowed.  “It’s <em>good</em>, Ben.  <em>Really</em> good.”  </p>
<p>	She stuffed another bite in her mouth, eyes half-closing in what looked like bliss, and Ben’s demurral died in his throat.  He cleared it, and cued up the second episode.  </p>
<p>	They watched two episodes, occasionally pausing one to debate some point, and Rey ate most of the sandwiches, which bothered Ben not at all.  The cookies she’d brought were excellent, and explained why she smelled like nutmeg; at one point Ben got up and brought them both glasses of milk to go with, and Rey promptly started dipping her cookies in the glass, which - well, Ben found it <em>charming</em>.  </p>
<p>	<em>You are hopelessly gone on this woman.</em>  </p>
<p>	But he’d known that already.    </p>
<p>	It was so like his fantasy, but better - Rey hadn’t even sat in the chair, she’d just joined him on the couch as if it was the most natural thing in the world.  She was <em>right there</em>.  </p>
<p>	“One more ep?”  Rey picked up the remote and waved it questioningly.  </p>
<p>	“Yes, but skip the next one.”  Ben sat back.  “The aliens give me the creeps.”  </p>
<p>	“They’re supposed to.”  Rey started an episode, then shocked Ben to speechlessness by sliding over to snuggle into his side.  When he didn’t move, she glanced up at him, brows going up.  “This okay?”  </p>
<p>	His ears were ringing, but Ben managed to jerk his chin in a nod.  He felt stupidly clumsy, lifting his arm to put it around her shoulders, but Rey merely smiled at him and leaned closer before turning back to the TV.  </p>
<p>	His heart, poor neglected organ, was close to overflowing.  Ben blinked hard, trying and failing to focus on the screen; every nerve he possessed was aware of Rey’s weight against him, the faint hint of spice rising from her skin, the ebb and swell of her breathing.  </p>
<p>	He should have been tense, nervous; instead, he was enveloped in warmth, muscles relaxing as if he’d just woken from a refreshing sleep.  There was nothing to brace against, nothing to fear, nothing to yearn for.  </p>
<p>	Slowly, gradually, his cheek came to rest against the crown of Rey’s head.  And if a trace of moisture slid from his cheek to glimmer in her hair, well, it was only his heart brimming over.  </p>
<p>	That was all right.  There was room for it to grow.  </p><hr/>
<p>	Ben was <em>comfortable.</em>  More so than she’d expected.  </p>
<p>	He was a solid wall beside her, arm heavy over her shoulders like one of those weirdly comforting weighted blankets.  Rey had pulled up her legs halfway through the episode, so that she leaned even more on him, and all he’d done was shift minutely so that she settled closer still.  </p>
<p>	Now the episode was finished.  <em>It’s starting to get dark.  I should probably leave soon.</em>  The words sat on her tongue, but Rey didn’t speak them.  She didn’t <em>want</em> to.  </p>
<p>	“Rey.”  Ben’s voice was so soft that it was more vibration than sound.  “I need to...”  </p>
<p>	He sounded so uncertain.  Rey shifted around, drawing back a bit so she could see his face, a chill running through her gut.  <em>Feck, did I read him wrong?</em>    </p>
<p>	“What?” she asked.  “Is this not - not okay?”  </p>
<p>	Ben’s eyes widened and he shook his head, a sharp movement.  “<em>No.</em>  No, it’s <em>perfect</em>, I just - “  </p>
<p>	He stopped, obviously searching for words.  Warmth pooled in her, dispelling the cold, and Rey reached out to lay her hand over his heart.  </p>
<p>	Or she meant to, but Ben caught it in his and lifted it, pressing his lips to her fingertips.  Her breath caught in her throat.  </p>
<p>	“I need to explain,” he said, the words washing over her skin.  “Before - I just need you to know.”  </p>
<p>	His incoherence was equal parts annoying and endearing.  Rey arched a brow, and shook free to let her fingers graze his cheek.  “Know what?”  </p>
<p>	Ben squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them again, meeting her gaze straight on though she could see that he was apprehensive.  “I’ve wanted this, <em>you</em>, since the first time I saw you.  Before that, even.  When I first heard you laugh.”  </p>
<p>	Rey waited, then dipped her head encouragingly.  “And?”  </p>
<p>	He swallowed.  “That’s - it doesn’t bother you?”  </p>
<p>	“No?”  Rey let her hand slide down to his chest, feeling the rapid thump of his heartbeat under her palm.  “I mean, I kind of knew it already.”  </p>
<p>	Ben <em>stared</em> for a long moment, and then the tension ran out of him, bowing his shoulders.  “You don’t think I’m a - a stalker?”  </p>
<p>	She had to laugh, just a little.  “Ben, you’ve been nothing but respectful this whole time.  That’s hardly stalker behaviour.”  </p>
<p>	It was true, she thought, that if she <em>hadn’t</em> been interested in him it might have been concerning.  Except that he’d never <em>pushed</em>.  And Rey was pretty certain that if she’d told him to leave her alone at any point, he would have obeyed.  </p>
<p>	The smile curling his mouth now, Rey thought, was something she would like to see more of, and what a <em>pity</em> he had to hide it behind a mask.  “May I kiss you again?” he asked.  </p>
<p>	She curled her fingers into his sweater.  “Absolutely.”  </p>
<p>	Ben lifted his hands, sliding them slowly over her jaw until his fingers could curve around the back of her neck, fingers tangling in Rey’s hair.  She could just see the gleam of his eyes as he bent his head, a flare of light that she couldn’t name until his lips brushed slowly, gently over hers.  <em>Oh.  </em></p>
<p><em>	It’s joy...</em>  </p>
<p>	Ben had spoken in passing of past relationships, the same way Rey had - her few had ended amicably, his had not, and she rather thought it explained some of his shyness.  </p>
<p>	He wasn’t shy now.  Rey’s grip tightened to pull him closer, lost in a rush of delight as Ben tilted his head a fraction and kissed her fully.  A kiss had never felt like <em>union</em> before, like welcome and rightness, and some part of Rey knew it was really too much for a new relationship, but she didn’t <em>care.</em>  </p>
<p>	She trusted Ben, deep down in her bones, and that was enough.  </p>
<p>	He was even better to hug when they weren’t limited by the delineations of friendship.  Rey found herself more or less in his lap, and she laughed against his mouth, because it was <em>good,</em> it was all so good.  So <em>satisfying</em>.  </p>
<p>	Ben made a low, pleased sound in response.  He wrapped her up in his arms, lips still moving on hers and one palm cradling her head.  </p>
<p>	She’d never felt so safe.  </p>
<p>	They sat intertwined for a long time in the dimming light, the TV shutting down behind them.  Ben laid soft kisses along Rey’s cheekbones, her eyelids, the tender places beneath her jaw; she traced the planes of his face with one finger, learning them as if to know him in the dark.  <em>Eventually, I will.</em>  </p>
<p>	And she blotted away the droplets that appeared at the corners of his eyes, soothing the flush on his cheeks and reveling in his wondering smile.  </p>
<p>	It was perfect.  </p><hr/>
<p>	“Are you sure about this?”  Ben hesitated, fingers closing on the little packet Rey had just handed him.  “You said you didn’t like it.”  </p>
<p>	“Mm, well, I’m willing to try it one more time - besides, this is different.  Rose said it was <em>flowering</em> tea?”  </p>
<p>	“Yes.”  She did look interested.  Ben filled his kettle and plugged it in on the kitchen island, setting it for the correct temperature.  “Some people regard it as a gimmick, but I think it’s...well...fun.”  </p>
<p>	“I’m all for fun.  Besides, you didn’t give Rose any instructions and the Internet has <em>far</em> too many.”  Rey leaned against his kitchen counter, looking around the space with bright eyes.  </p>
<p>	Ben snickered, fetching one of his glass teapots from its cabinet and setting it next to the kettle.  “That it does.”  </p>
<p>	Rey’s face and throat were a lingering pink, and Ben supposed he should feel guilty about that, but he simply couldn’t.  The feel of her skin under his lips was still very much with him, and he had to restrain himself from pressing her further into the counter and taking up where he’d left off.  </p>
<p>	Rey poked the packet with one finger.  “Is it still any good?”  </p>
<p>	“Should be, yeah.”  Ben opened it up and let the bundle of leaves slide into his palm, then deposited it gently in the pot.  “This one is rose and jasmine.”  </p>
<p>	“Oh, I like rose flavour.  I used to get rosewater Turkish Delight when I had a bit of pocket money.”  Rey watched as Ben checked the kettle.  </p>
<p>	“I’ve seen Turkish Delight for sale, but I’ve never had any.”  He mirrored Rey, leaning against the opposite counter.  “There was some kind of chocolate wafer candy I loved as a kid, but they don’t make it any more.”  </p>
<p>	Rey nodded.  “That happens with the best stuff.”  </p>
<p>	He wanted to keep her.  Ben knew that it was far too early to ask Rey to stay the night, even just to sleep, so he held back the plea that sat on his tongue.  <em>It’s too soon.  It’s not even raining any longer, you don’t have any excuse.</em>  But he couldn’t help his thoughts running ahead, to some time in the future when she might curl up next to him in his bed, when he could pull the covers over them both and just hold her all the night through - </p>
<p>	<em>No.  Be sensible.</em>  </p>
<p>	However, he could at least give her this before she went home.  He’d offered black tea - he had some nice Irish Breakfast from a little place in Annapolis - but Rey had handed him the packet he’d sent her via Rose all those weeks ago, and asked him to steep it.  </p>
<p>	“How’d you get into all this?” Rey asked, waving at the kettle and pot.  “Family?”  </p>
<p>	Ben shook his head.  “My college roommate.  His family was from Korea, and after watching me drink too much bad coffee he decided to improve my palate.  Sometimes I’m surprised it actually worked.”  He had to smile at the memory; Jin-hwan hadn’t been the most patient of teachers, but once Ben’s attention had engaged, he’d been fascinated.  </p>
<p>	Rey laughed.  “I can just picture you, studying with five different mugs of tea on your desk.”  </p>
<p>	“That’s pretty close to the truth,” Ben admitted.  His habit of tidiness had developed later.  “But it’s soothing.  Stress relief, and I do like the taste.”  </p>
<p>	Rey nodded, turning one hand palm-up.  “Rose does cross-stitch.  Mostly it’s decorated versions of the word <em>fuck.</em>”  </p>
<p>	Ben laughed out loud.“That does sound soothing.”  </p>
<p>	She was looking at him so intently that self-consciousness bit at him.  Ben swiped at his face.  “Am I, ah, messy?”  </p>
<p>	Rey shook her head, the pink deepening.  “No, no.  I was just thinking, um, how much I like your laugh.”  </p>
<p>	He couldn’t take his eyes from her.  “I didn’t laugh anymore,” he said without thinking.  “Not until I met you.”  <em>Wait, that’s too much - </em>  </p>
<p>	But Rey’s face softened, mouth curling.  She took three steps forward and rested her palms on his chest.  “We’ll have to fix that,” she told him, and leaned up to kiss him.  </p>
<p>	It was sheer bliss, and Ben looped his arms around her waist, tugging her closer.  He was contemplating lifting her up when his kettle began to chime, and Rey broke the kiss with a laugh of her own.  “Is that thing actually singing?”  </p>
<p>	“Yes,” Ben sighed, releasing her reluctantly.  “It was a gift.”  </p>
<p>	“It’s <em>cute.</em>”  Rey circled around the island and leaned her elbows on it, watching as Ben poured the hot water into the teapot. </p>
<p>	It took a few minutes for the bundle to unfold, but Rey didn’t stir, chin propped on her hands and eyes fixed on the pot.  As the delicate scent of rose and jasmine expanded into the air, Ben’s own gaze kept drifting up to watch her face, the way it lit when the tea blossomed in the pot.  </p>
<p>	“That’s so cool!  You’re right, it <em>is</em> fun.”  She looked up at him, beaming.  “I’m glad I didn’t do it at home, we don’t have a glass pot.”  </p>
<p>	“I didn’t think of that,” Ben admitted.  “It needs another few minutes to steep.”  </p>
<p>	He brought down glass cups to match the pot and poured the tea when it was ready.  Rey bent over hers to sniff at the steam, and Ben remembered wondering if she would do just that.  It made him smile into his own cup.  </p>
<p>	She took a sip, and he could <em>see</em> her keeping back a grimace.  “Smells better than it tastes?” he asked lightly.  </p>
<p>	Rey glanced up.  “Yeah.”  Her voice was rueful.  “I’m used to rose flavour being sweet.”  </p>
<p>	“Philistine,” Ben repeated, smirking, and fetched the sugar bowl.  </p><hr/>
<p>	He walked her to her car when she left, claiming one more kiss that tasted of jasmine and sweetness - half-guilty at pulling down their masks, but the garage was empty except for them.  When he got back to his kitchen, Ben poured himself another cup and drank it slowly, thinking back over the astonishing day.  </p>
<p>	<em>What do you do when you are given your heart’s desire?  </em></p>
<p>	His life had bloomed like the little bundle of leaves, slowly expanding in Rey’s warmth.  And now, it seemed, he was getting another chance to grow.  </p>
<p>	<em>Not alone.  That’s the important part.  </em></p>
<p>	Ben poured the last of the tea into his cup, fishing up the sodden sprawl of petals and leaves that sat in the pot and regarding it thoughtfully.  </p>
<p>	It fit neatly into one of the little strainers he used for loose tea.  Ben set it aside on the counter to dry, and rinsed out the pot.  It might be overly sentimental to keep the blossom, but he wanted the reminder, a tangible memory.  </p>
<p>	He took the cup back into his living room and sat on the couch in the same spot he’d had before.  Now he didn’t have to close his eyes to envision Rey there; it was fresh and clear in his head, and he fancied he could still sense her there, fading warmth and that hint of nutmeg.  </p>
<p>	Roses and jasmine, spice and laughter; and she would come back.  Someday, Ben thought, she might come back to <em>stay</em>.  </p>
<p>	He sipped his tea, and let the joy fill him.  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Both the referenced teas and <i>Blake's 7</i> exist.  B7 was a British sci-fi show, often billed as the anti-Star Trek.  It's very much a product of its time and place, and ranges from meh to brilliant, with the occasional dumb lumped in - two episodes were written by Tanith Lee, and they are <i>stunning</i>.  If you like <i>Doctor Who</i>, you may enjoy this - the snark is <i>amazing</i>.  It even ties in with <i>Star Wars</i> in a roundabout fashion, though I'll leave that as an exercise for the enthusiast.  </p>
<p>Be warned, however, it ends on a <i>complete</i> downer.  Think <i>Time Bandits</i>, but for grownups. <br/> <br/>If you're not in the UK, it is not, practically speaking, officially available (BBC WHY) but if you look around you can probably find it.  *cough* tube of you *cough*</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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